New York Neighbors
by WhiskyFlower
Summary: Rachel discovers that an old albeit sexy friend is living next to her in her New York City apartment. When they both discover this, a whole lot of badass and crazy mishaps ensue. CHAPTER 5 is up! Flames accepted!
1. THe tHing Beyond the Kitchen Sink

**The Thing Beyond the Kitchen Sink**

Rachel looked around her room and sighed deeply. She smiled as she saw that it was left unchanged; the Broadway posters were still plastered all over the wall, her musical memorabilia still neatly placed on her shelf and even her sheets and pillow cases were still the same awfully girlish color. She decided that maybe it was because her fathers liked to keep it that way, the same as when she left it, so it will be welcoming upon her return from college. She shook her head.

It was despairing to know that she only came back from college to get her last remaining clothes and not to stay. She felt a strange sense of sadness as she saw her fathers' crestfallen faces when they received the news but Rachel had made a choice. Lima could not house someone with a talent as big as hers. New York was best possible location to launch her career. She had prepared a long speech to give to her fathers about leaving and as always they listened intently without much interruption and question. She was rather shocked to discover that they accepted it and took the news better than she thought considering that they both had an inability to let go of things.

Her fathers have already taken out some boxes and they've helped her pack. They let her pack a few unnecessary things like her elliptical, their microwave oven, her radio and her laptop despite Rachel's re-assurances that she will be the one to purchase things for her new apartment.

"Divalicious, I swear that if you don't hurry up, your father is going to pack the kitchen sink and Santana is going to cut you," Kurt drawled as he entered her room. Rachel looked up and smiled fondly at the fashionably-clad boy who was now examining his nails with utmost interest.

"Be patient. Packing for a trip as significant as this requires precise and extensive care which I expect for neither you nor Santana to understand," Rachel said as she began to neatly arranged CDs inside a brown box.

Kurt stooped over and picked up one.

"Wicked? Hm…..let me borrow this and I'll convince San to take a pill," Kurt said.

"Be my guest," Rachel smiled.

"Rachel?"

They both turned to find Rachel's dad—oh, wait daddy (Kurt always confuses the two)—who was holding a plasma screen TV in his hands, staggering every now and then from the weight.

"Daddy!" Rachel yelped standing up.

"Hey baby! Just thought that a TV is really expensive and since you and your friends will be the one who'll spend for everything we got you this," he smiled setting the TV down.

Rachel smiled trying to fight back the tears in her eyes.

"That was completely unnecessary Daddy," Rachel said giving her father a hug.

"No baby it was. Sometimes I forget that you're already out of college and now you're all grown up. Moving out and buying your own furniture with your friends. This might be the last time that I might ever get to buy you something," he said practically choking in tears.

Rachel patted his back before giving him a kiss.

"Aw….you're making me cry," Rachel said.

"Um…Mr. Berry no offense but crying actually increases wrinkles. Gay to gay warning," Kurt suddenly piped up from behind. Rachel glared at him, completely irritated to be interrupted at such a moment although she knew that Kurt meant no malice.

"Really? Because I've read in Vogue that crying releases stress therefore stress release slows aging," Daddy said in surprise breaking free from his hug.

"That was totally faux. Even Anna Wintour bombed it and totally dissed the writer," Kurt informed.

"Really?" Dad said.

Rachel rolled her eyes. Really, she will never understand gay people despite living with two for all her life.

"Well….I'm going to leave you and Kurt now. Me and Dad will be waiting downstairs," he said as he lugged the TV back.

"Total Disney Moment," Kurt whistled the moment her Daddy left.

"Hey, me and Santana had to endure two hours of crying when you said goodbye to your dad," Rachel said wryly.

"Hmm….keen observation. Anyway, unless you want your dad to tear the kitchen sink then I suggest you hurry up," Kurt said.

"And who are you to complain? Now, we don't have to spend for a microwave and a plasma TV which I might add are extremely expensive," Rachel said as she gathered the last batch of CDs.

"Please. The microwave doesn't even match my pre-planned design for our kitchen," Kurt scoffed as he left the room.

Rachel arranged all the CDs into their musical genres before sealing the box with duct tape and labeling it with a bright red marker "**CD COLLECTION**". She was about to lug it downstairs when Santana came in looking extremely annoyed.

"Bitch, you've been here for an hour. You done yet?" she demanded.

"I would go faster if you didn't use such crude language on me," Rachel said.

"Sorry, _mom_ but I swear if you make me wait any more then I will unleash my famous bitch slap," Santana said jokingly.

"I'd like to see you try," Rachel chuckled.

"You've got guts," Santana snickered.

Rachel sighed and laughed. Santana laughed with her and gave her a quick butt slap before she quickly helped Rachel and together they brought the box downstairs where both of Rachel's fathers were standing looking very bleary-eyed. Rachel went over to both of them and they both hugged her in a choking manner.

"Be sure to have your rape whistle in hand," Dad said as he nuzzled against her head.

"Always lock the doors in your apartment," Daddy said in a choked whisper.

"I will Daddy and I promise that me, Kurt and Santana will take the road with utmost caution," Rachel said. Santana rolled her eyes.

After a few more minutes of hugs and tearful goodbyes Santana and Rachel hauled up the last few boxes in the trunk of Kurt's car before stepping inside.

"Finally. I thought we'd never leave," Santana said pulling up a pair of shades.

"Same here. My fathers do have a tendency to drag things quite longer than necessary," Rachel said as she pulled up a pair of her own sunglasses.

"Reminds me of someone I know," Santana said wryly looking at her. Rachel stuck her tongue out.

"Okay….road check. Divalicious do we have the healthy, non-fattening and skin friendly chips and drinks?" Kurt said as he pulled a pair of aviators up.

"Check," Rachel said.

"Darling, do we have the awesome road kill music?" Kurt demanded using his pet name for Santana.

"What?" Santana said cluesslessly (and a bit bitchily).

"Forget it. Trust a bitch to not get things right," Kurt said rolling his eyes as he uploaded a CD in.

"Please Gay, I'm wetting my skirt. Can we go now?" Santana demanded.

"NY here we come!" Kurt yelled as he revved the engine up.

…

It was funny how her friendship with Kurt and Santana started. Santana and Rachel became roommates in college. It was rocky start but they gradually became friends. Kurt started going to their dorm room during the second semester since his roommate wasn't all that welcoming as he brought at least a dozen girls into their room every day to do the most unpleasant (and sexual) things and they were the only people he knew. The three soon formed a solid friendship over the college years.

Rachel found out that Kurt had preferred to stay in Lima as his father could not afford to send him to New York while Rachel had revealed that her Dad had a recent operation therefore they had no choice but to send her to Lima. Santana had just said that this was always her plan and she had no plans of leaving Lima soon.

Kurt and Rachel however had NY dreams and together they vowed to go to New York the moment college is done. They tried to convince Santana who wasn't too eager to go with them but she finally caved and gave in. They all saved up and pooled all their savings to buy an apartment. They still have some leftover money and Kurt had taken it upon himself, that the moment they arrived in New York they would go furniture shopping.

All their parents had provided them an essential or another. Kurt's dad gave them two sofas although Kurt complained that it will clash with the design he planned. Santana's parents had bought them some mattresses and Rachel's fathers had given her a lot of useful (and expensive) appliances.

"Hey Ray, do you have any idea how the apartment will look like?" Santana asked.

Rachel frowned at the nickname. Santana had decided that Rachel was a name too long and not worthy of her saliva so she decided to call her Ray. Rachel disliked the nickname as she usual preferred to be called by her full name or if it needs to be shortened then Rach would suffice but as usual Santana doesn't bother with any of her requests.

"I must admit I am oblivious to what our apartment would look like," Rachel frowned.

"We all are," Kurt said lowering his shades.

They had been scouting of an apartment within their budget and Kurt found one. It was a little disheartening when the manager refused to show them a photo and Santana was on the verge of backing out when Kurt used his super gay Queen skills and Rachel used her mind boggling vocabulary that they managed to convince her again.

Truth to be told Santana didn't have that much interest in New York. Rachel wanted to be in Broadway and Kurt (surprisingly not a musical career) wanted to make it big in the fashion world (he once toyed with idea that he and Mercedes would be partners but Mercedes was now in Europe studying in prestigious school or something).

She took up Psychology because it was what, what her parents wanted her to do and not because she really liked it. The idea of a shrink was not very entertaining but Rachel and Kurt had somehow managed to convince her that going to New York would be a once in a lifetime opportunity and if she wanted to become a celebrity therapist than the best way to establish herself was in New York. Santana knew that the competition for a job in New York was killer but she decided that it would be a much more exhilarating to be living in the city of dreams with her two best friends (yes they're her best friends now) than to be stuck in Lima where she could be within her parent's reach, listening to other people's problems.

The entire drive to New York was fun. Santana made Rachel do a booty dance inside the car despite Rachel's protests while Kurt was driving and after that Kurt and Rachel started singing Celine Dion. They snacked on some of the chips Rachel provided them and they all took turns driving although Kurt was resistant at first at the thought of anyone driving his "Baby" but after nearly ramming a truck Santana forcefully took the wheel from him.

…

"Here we are," Kurt said.

Rachel and Santana both sat up, still groggy from their sleep, as they examined the tall towering buildings of New York. Santana's eyes were as round as saucers as she saw the excruciatingly long line of traffic and the flood of people walking to and fro while Rachel's eyes cast a dreamy look as she stared at the tall buildings.

"Crap! This place is….,'' Santana's voice trailed off as she continued to gaze into the towering buildings. New York was not as she expected. She had seen it in TV and movies but they were far from what the TV projected them to be.

Kurt unexpectedly said nothing as he was still groggy from lack of sleep. Despite being forcefully removed from the wheel by Rachel and Santana Kurt was still wary about them driving and he slept for a total of about only one hour before going into a nasty bitch fight with Santana as to who will drive. Rachel who was driving became nervous and pulled over and intervened both of them. Kurt won since Santana was too irritated to argue anymore and Rachel was just plain tired to intervene for both of them.

Rachel couldn't keep her grin down as she saw all those Broadway posters and billboards and images of her singing on stage and receiving a Tony seemed just a step closer. Behind her was an awestruck Santana and Rachel guessed that she has never been to New York yet. Kurt has told her that he's been here once while Rachel had been here numerous times since her fathers usually took her here for her birthday.

As they passed by from one building to another Rachel's heart beat faster in anticipation of their new apartment. Anyone of those buildings could be the place she and her best friends (yes, surprisingly she called them best friends) would be living in. But after passing a wave of different buildings Kurt had not stopped at all and they were driving deeper into a less glamorous neighborhood.

Rachel fidgeted as she saw that the tall stunning buildings were subsequently replaced by degrading short brick buildings with creepy, tucked alleyways where men with black-smudged faces and disgusting, grubby and _greedy _hands sparked to life instantly at any sign of a female being.

She looked at Santana who looked very pissed and no doubt about it she was having regrets about their purchase of the apartment. They don't say much mostly because Rachel is busy trying to imagine how un-starlike their new apartment might be, Santana was fuming in her mind at the total crap of a neighborhood Hummel chose (and he better pray that the apartment looks better) and Kurt was trying his best to think of a quick escape route from two possibly angry girls once they see the apartment because he feels that it pretty much speaks for itself from the neighborhood.

"Well, this is it," Kurt said going into a basement parking area of a brick building.

"You better pray Queen that the apartment wouldn't want to make me gouge my eyes," Santana said leaning towards him in a very intimidating tone.

"Nonsense Santana! We can't make hasty judgments until we've seen the apartment unit itself," Rachel said jumping to Kurt's defense.

"Yeah. What she said," Kurt said as he pulled over a parking space. Between the two he had to admit that he and Rachel were closer simply because they understood each other better. Although he knew that Rachel was feelings as royally pissed as Santana was, she took her friendships seriously.

"Please Ray, the neighborhood looks like the capital of murder City. It's pure shit," Santana snapped.

"On the contrary I think it's rather lovely despite its rough exterior," Rachel said weakly.

Suddenly something thumped against the left window and they both turned to find a man who seemed to be in a drunken stupor carrying a bottle of Jack. Rachel yelled and Kurt screamed gayishly while Santana was the only one to act less girlish, fearlessly flinging the door open, propelling the man away.

They all scrambled outside where the man returned looking furious. The man tried to grab Rachel where he was stopped by Kurt who whacked him with his Gucci bag. Rachel then proceeded to kick him in the groin and she quickly jammed her rape whistle into his eye.

When the man was finally overpowered Santana looked at Rachel and scoffed, "Nice neighborhood?"

…

"This. Is. Total. Shit," Santana said the moment Kurt flung the door open.

Rachel for once was rendered speechless while Kurt had the strong desire to disappear.

The apartment was totally as Santana described it. The walls had peeling paint, the floor was covered in a dingy carpet that smelled like urine and the air inside it seemed to be suffocating.

"I will murder you," Santana said turning at Kurt.

"And I will decapitate you!" Rachel hissed no longer holding her temper.

Kurt held his hands up in defeat and said soothingly, "It just needs some upholstering. Don't worry."

"If I have known that we'd be living in a rat hole I would have blasted you to kingdom come before we left," Santana said grumpily.

"Stop being such prima donnas. I know that our living conditions are hardly befitting for people as glamorous as us but what do you expect with our budget?" Kurt said entering the apartment and fingering the walls.

"Kurt is right. It is to be expected seeing that we bought this rather cheaply. We'll just have to work on it and make it seem more livable," Rachel said calming down.

Yes, she was annoyed that a budding Broadway star such as her would be forced to live in a place as disgusting as this but she was in New York and that was the only thing that mattered. Their living conditions were just a simple block in her plan to stardom. No doubt about it that it would make a good story in the future of how she used to struggle before rising up to fame and amassing wealth and money.

"Right on Divalicious," Kurt said grateful that Rachel wasn't angry anymore. Santana's features softened up a little.

"Before we do any design making we obviously need to tidy this place up," Rachel said sounding disgusted as her feet dug into the carpet.

"Which includes buying shitloads of paint….," Santana murmured eyeing the crappy paint job.

"And throwing this horrendous carpet out of the window," Kurt said wrinkling his nose.

They examined the apartment a bit more and they found that there were three rooms as the manager promised although one room was slightly smaller than the two and one room had a bathroom. Rachel and Santana immediately decided that Kurt was to get the smallest room seeing as he was the one who bought them the place.

"You two didn't complain when I told you that he wouldn't show me a picture," Kurt grumbled as he stared into his room.

It was small and just like the living room it had a bad paint job and the floor was covered with a moth eaten carpet.

The next one was who was to get the room with the bathroom. Rachel and Santana played rock, paper, scissors and Santana won. Rachel looked annoyed that she wouldn't have her own bathroom but she finally relented. They all spent the rest of the morning checking out their surroundings. The living room and kitchen were just next to each other and there was only one other bathroom which was to the left of the living room. All in all the apartment was relatively small.

"At least my bathroom isn't as shitty as I expected," Santana said as they ate their burgers in the Kurt's car. They had decided not to eat in the apartment since something smelled funny and there were no tables and chairs so they had to sit on the carpet and that was not an option.

"The other bathroom looks passable too although I must say that sharing a bathroom with Kurt is not very enjoyable," Rachel said as she ate carefully unwrapped the plastic covering her burger.

"Oh sweet Gucci! At least you have rooms that don't house midgets! Ugh," Kurt said carefully gnawing his way through his veggie burger.

"Hey it only makes it fair. I mean you are the odd one out," Santana said.

"The horrors of being gay," Rachel joked.

"Whatever. All I know is, we better start fixing that place up otherwise I will weep tears and beat the crap out of everyone with hairdryer," Kurt said snarkily as he was still annoyed with his room choice.

...

The day had gone on with them fixing the place up. Santana busied herself with chipping the paint off while Kurt and Rachel started hauling the carpets away. Kurt screamed once when his hand touched a brown, gooey substance (which Rachel suspects was poop) from the carpet. After tediously removing all the carpets they started cleaning all the bathrooms.

Kurt swore to himself that he'll take a bath in perfume after his harrowing experience of scrubbing toilets while Rachel contemplated on tearing her nose from her face because of the putrid smell. After cleaning the two bathrooms Kurt and Rachel smiled proudly.

"Well Divalicious we did it. After three agonizing hours for ruining my manicure the bathrooms are squeaky clean. Santana Darling better treat us to Strabucks for the total do over we gave her bathroom," Kurt said as he stared at the squeaky clean tiles.

"Don't be so sure Queen! Chipping of this shit on the wall, not easy! I swear my arms will feel like jelly by tomorrow," Santana yelled from the other living room. Rachel chuckled and they both went outside to find her sitting on the floor covered in sweat.

"Well, don't rest so soon San. We still have the kitchen sink," Rachel said and Santana groaned inwardly.

…

"This is torture! Pure torture!" Santana said as she scrubbed the kitchen sink.

After a few minutes of silence Santana suddenly said, "Hey do you guys smell something?"

"That would be us," Rachel sighed. She was glad that her fathers had made her pack domestic cleaning items.

"How come I can't smell anything?" Kurt demanded.

"Because we've been smelling this disgusting for the past few hours so I expect that we have gotten used to it by now," Rachel said rolling her eyes.

"Wow. You two do have it bad. I do owe you Starbucks," Santana said.

Suddenly Kurt yelled and both Rachel and Santana jumped.

"Queen, that's about the hundredth time you yelled today," Santana said.

"There's something beyond the kitchen sink," Kurt murmured.

Rachel and Santana froze before turning to look at each other slowly.

"What?"

"There its!" Kurt yelped.

They both turned to find nothing.

"What's there?" Rachel asked.

"The thing beyond the kitchen sink!" Kurt squealed.

"Oh for Pete's sake! Okay, Queen calm down. Ray, go borrow bug spray or something from our neighbor," Santana said in a commanding tone.

"And what will you do?" Rachel demanded.

Santana took her heel off and said, "I'll go smash that thing with my bitch heel."

…

Rachel did as Santana told her and left their apartment to go to their neighbor next door. She contemplated if she should ask the right next door neighbor or the left. She did a quick eeny-meeny miney mo before choosing the right door and knocking.

Rachel heard a yell which was no doubt Kurt's and another one which sounded like….Santana? That was strange. Santana was never afraid of anything. She shook her head and chuckled. She had a feeling that living with the two of them would be quite an experience.

She knocked on the door and waited for someone to open it. After about the three minutes Rachel decided that maybe no one was home when suddenly the door open and out came a man with a fantastic build, all wet, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist with that all too familiar smirk and green eyes.

"Noah?' Rachel gaped.

…

_So I wrote another story while still finishing my other story but don't worry. I will finish the other one. I just couldn't help but write this one since it wouldn't leave my mind. This will be a quickie only taking up about seven to ten chapters. Oh, and for those who read my other story:_ The Babysitter's Club_, next update will be next week. Please review!_


	2. Shitty Locks in a Shitty Neighborhood

**Shitty Locks in a Shitty Neighborhood**

Rachel looked at Noah and she willed her brain into making her say something sensible in a situation such as this but she just found herself standing in front of him, looking extremely shocked. If it had been a different scenario, one wherein he was fully clothed, she would have said something sane and responded with a different more acceptable reaction.

She however didn't get a chance to see his reaction since she heard a chorus of screams followed by yells of "Damn!" and "Fuck!" coming from their apartment unit. Rachel whipped her head and hurried to their apartment worried of what might be happening in there seeing as she heard Santana's voice among the yells. Santana was rarely afraid of anything and as far as Rachel could remember Santana had never lost her calm in any situation.

As she rushed into the room she contemplated on how she would feel about meeting Noah and learning that he is their next door neighbor. She would certainly have no qualms against him living there but Santana on the other hand….Rachel wasn't so sure what her reaction would be. Her relationship with Noah was complicated to say the least. There were times when they were friends and there were times where they were against each other. And there were those times in between when they simply just ignored each other. It was some where along the lines of a love-hate friendship.

Their friendship began after she was forced to tutor him in English. Despite telling him that she was entirely professional about the whole matter that didn't stop him from making a few lewd comments on her while they were sitting on her bed, studying.

Not that the idea of making out with him was anything new. They had a one week fling that was caused by their thirst for their unrequited love for Quinn and Finn. Despite that little detail making things all the more complicated they became sort-of friends as Rachel liked to call it despite their obvious differences.

Rachel felt sure that the only reason for her inability to come up with a comprehensible response was because she had knocked upon his door at the most untimely moment.

She flung their apartment door open to find Santana being carried by Kurt and both of them were yelling at the top of their lungs. Kurt was jumping up and down while Santana looked as if she was trying to climb unto Kurt's shoulders.

"What on earth are you two doing?" Rachel said trying to stifle a laugh since everything looked very comical but from the looks of Santana and Kurt's faces the situation seemed to be serious for them.

"Darling, get off me! I am not built to carry weight such as this! My body is like a delicate butterfly," Kurt said in a muffled tone as Santana jammed a foot into his mouth.

"Oh shut up Queen! And did you just call me fat?" Santana demanded angrily.

"No, of course not although your thighs are getting quite a bit jiggly I'm afraid," Kurt said as Santana continued her climb up.

"Would you two care to explain why you both look like idiots on high?" Rachel asked trying to hide her laughter.

"I'm trying get unto Kurt so that this way the fucking** thing **would get to him before me," Santana said.

"Nice to know that you are quite a loyal comrade," Kurt said sarcastically.

"What thing?" Rachel said incredulously wondering what it could be to drive Santana unto Kurt's shoulders.

"We're not sure….," Kurt frowned.

"All I know is that it is some kind of mutant bug. Oh shit, was it gross and scary," Santana shuddered as she tried to clamber unto Kurt's shoulders.

"You're afraid of bugs?' Rachel laughed seeing as she found it hard to believe. Santana was not even afraid to dick McKinley's High's football players and they were three times bigger than her.

"Okay so maybe I am but you haven't seen the thing yet Ray," Santana spat. Suddenly Kurt gave a jolt and they both toppled to the ground. Santana gave Kurt a quick whack on his head when Kurt's eyes suddenly were as wide as saucers.

At that very moment Rachel felt something rubbing against her ankle.

"Oh my GOSH! Divalicious, there it is! It's on your ankle!" Kurt yelled.

Santana looked at Rachel before squeaking something unintelligible and quickly hopping on the kitchen counter while Kurt scrambled after. Rachel looked down and screamed.

…

Puck had had a really long day and all he wanted was to take a nice long shower before plopping down on his weather beaten sofa and pigging out on pizza while watching some TV. It had been another day at a job interview and as usual he flubbed it. He growled and shook his head as he stripped off any article of clothing and turned on the hot shower.

He felt his head throb at the thought of the excruciatingly expensive rent he was forced to pay for this crappy apartment. He had no idea why the landlord charged this much for his crap hole but he guessed that since he was in New York everything was twice as much as it would normally cost. Thinking about his apartment Puck groaned. He expected to be evicted any day now since he still hasn't paid his rent.

He had come to New York, truth to be told, in search for his daughter whom Quinn gave away but as usual he hadn't thought it through. He hadn't thought about how expensive living in New York would be, how difficult the competition for a job would be. With all these in mind Puck tried to banish them letting the hot water run against his skin, excited at the thought of a carefree evening.

He was interrupted however by a loud and annoying knocking on his door. He found it strange since during the last two months he lived here no one has ever knocked on his door except the landlord and when he did Puck usually pretended that he was not there by not answering the door. But it couldn't be the landlord since he was on vacation.

He thought hard of who it might be and tried to remember all his neighbors. As far as he could remember the apartment to his left was unoccupied and the apartment next to it was taken by an elderly couple. There were three more apartment units that had residents and they were occupied by Mrs. Thimble, an elderly and senile lady, Coco a recovering drug addict who abated his thirst for Cocaine (hence the name Coco—Puck wasn't really sure what his real name was) by eating moldy cheese and Mr. Scherbatsky a Russian immigrant with a shifty business who only knew the English words boob and cookie. He never interacted with them much because he thought them to be weird and crazy.

The knocking continued and Puck could no longer ignore it. Sighing he grabbed a towel and slung it around his waist before storming over to the door to send whoever was outside away. He hadn't expected however to find Rachel there with a shocked expression.

"Noah?" she gaped.

Puck didn't know what to do or what to tell her seeing as he was half-naked and dripping wet and somehow he thinks Rachel feels that way too seeing as she did not bother to respond even with her expansive vocabulary.

And just when it looked as if she was about to tell him something he heard screams and yells of 'Fuck!' and 'Damn!' and Rachel's eyes widened before she leaves in a hurry to the apartment unit _next door_ . Puck's jaw dropped after her shocked that they were neighbors.

He felt like a total retard as he just stood there, his eyes trailing after her. After the door slammed after her he closed the door and hurried looked through his closet for a shirt and some pants. He wasn't sure why but he felt the need to investigate further of his new found neighbor-ship with Rachel. He was pretty sure that she lived with someone else hence the screams but what he was most curious to know was why she settled for an apartment as shitty as this.

During the period in which they were friends and when they were dating Puck had learned two things about Rachel. One was that she didn't take too kindly whenever he made any obscene comments or actuations unless she gave him permission to and two was that she was obsessed (repeat: o_bsessed_) with fame and if anything or anyone tried to ruin it for her she would not hesitate to stab you pointless with her golden star sticker pad. But if you didn't try to do any of those things, Rachel was actually a very pleasant and nice person to hang out with.

But he was still curious as to why Rachel settled for something as crappy as this. He was busy searching for a shirt when he heard a high pitched scream followed by loud thumps and incomprehensible yells. He decided that to hell with his shirt. He opened (or nearly torn) the door open, worried what might be happening next door. He knocked on the door and when nobody answered thoughts of sexually ambiguous creeps trying to touch Rachel's boobs entered his mind and that made him all the more determined because the thought of Rachel's tiny and petite frame being forced by some pervert seriously made his blood boil—and there was no way some random dude would touch her boobs just like that when he didn't even get any.

He opened the door ready to use his impressive guns to use. He expected to see some creepy pedophile crouching near Rachel but he did not expect however to find himself staring at Rachel's bottom headfirst with Kurt and Santana sitting on the kitchen sink looking scared shitless. If it weren't for the fact that Santana was there and she would probably beat the crap out of him if he even dared to show any sign that he found the situation funny he would have been laughing his ass off.

Santana and Kurt didn't seem to realize that he was there since their eyes were fixed on Rachel who was on her knees, her head under a table (hence why Puck saw her butt first). It had taken him a few moments to realize that she had a broom on one hand and something else in the other. Suddenly Kurt yelled and Rachel banged her head against the table in her haste to get up. When she finally immerged from the table Puck finally got a good look at her and he saw that she had a crazed expression on her face.

"Where is it?" Rachel said manically still oblivious to Puck's presence.

"Oh my fuck!" Santana yelled pointing at Puck's direction looking shocked more than scared.

In startling speed Rachel turned around and sprayed Puck's face with something (perfume?). Whatever it was it stung his eyes. After rubbing his eyes profusely and regaining his vision he saw a very angry Santana glaring at him from the kitchen counter with a surprised Kurt and a jaw slacked Rachel.

"What the hell are you doing here? Are you stalking me now?" Santana demanded.

"Don't flatter yourself! And anyways what the hell are _you _doing here?" Puck snapped looking at Rachel.

Before Rachel could retort an answer Santana cut her off saying, "We live here, dumb ass."

Puck just stared at her. He wasn't sure what was more shocking, the fact that Santana and Rachel were in the same room and they weren't having a full frontal bitch fight yet or the fact that Rachel's sense of style improved. Now that he got a good look at her he saw that instead of her horrible geeky and nightmarish clothes Rachel was wearing a really, really short black skirt, a sleeveless turtleneck and some long knee high boots.

"So what the fuck is Berry doing here? And Hummel?" he demanded. Kurt flashed him an annoyed look.

"For your information you clueless thug we live together," Kurt growled interrupting Rachel again before she could say anything.

Rachel looked extremely annoyed to be denied talking rights but before she could retort something Puck interrupted her. Again.

"As in together?" Puck said his jaw dropping.

"What other explanation could you possibly procure from this scenario?" Rachel nearly yelled before Santana could say anything.

"So what happened? Has the world gone fucking mad or did you guys just lose a bet?" Puck said.

"Oh good gracious no we haven't lost any bet. I have come here on my own free will," Kurt said a little too dramatically.

Santana and Rachel rolled their eyes.

"And what the hell are you doing here? Shirtless?" Santana demanded.

Rachel and Kurt have not really realized that he was shirtless up until Santana mentioned it since they were both distracted with the mutant bug thing. Rachel tried to cover up the fact that his chest was a very fine example of male masculinity while Kurt wasn't as discreet as her. He gaped openly at Puck's chest.

Puck smiled a little remembering how bitchy Santana used to be. He was a little unnerved at the fact that Kurt was staring at his chest and a bit annoyed at Rachel who didn't look as flustered as he wanted her to. Santana nudged Kurt roughly and Kurt quit his gawking and Santana continued to stare at him as if he a fucking terrorist.

They had left off high school in not the best of terms. They never established a real relationship but sex although he wasn't sure why Santana would get all Charlie's Angels if a girl ever went on a nine mile radius within him. They got into a big fight because he made out (and did more than made out) with Brittany (how was he supposed to know that Brittany was hers?) and after dicking him ten times she told him that if he even bothered to even look at her she'll throw him off the building which was pretty scary.

"Ray there it is! The thing is on his chest!" Santana yelled suddenly.

And before Puck could even say something Rachel begins whacking him with the broom and spraying him with the perfume.

"Stop it! Fuck!" Puck yelled.

Rachel stopped after about seven more whacks.

"There is no bug in sight Santana," Rachel frowned.

"Duh. I just want that bastard to get Berry-broomed," Santana said.

…

Santana and Kurt calmed down and hopped off the kitchen sink after a little coaxing from Rachel. The moment Santana was on the floor again she stormed all the way to her room but not before stepping on Puck's foot purposely.

"So you three huh? In this apartment?" Puck said rubbing his foot.

"It's highly unusual but Kurt, Santana and I have formed a solid friendship over the college years," Rachel said.

"Something tells me that darling doesn't take well to you too much," Kurt said chuckling.

"Whatever. She's the same bitch in high school. Anyway what the hell is the Thing? Because let me tell you it takes little to scare Santana," Puck said.

"If you must know the Thing happens to be a—'' before Rachel could finish Kurt had muffled her mouth with his hands.

"Careful Divalicious. Darling hates it when we go spewing out what gets her scared. Especially to him," Kurt said nodding in Puck's direction.

"Is it a bug?" Puck asked.

"How did you—''

"It all started when we were doing it in the janitor's closet. While Santana was holding my—''

"Please spare us the sordid details!" Rachel said grumpily.

"I don't know Rach! I think it's kind of fascinating," Kurt said staring at Puck with a hungry gaze.

"Oh please! You just want to ogle at his chest," Rachel scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous," Kurt said turning his head away although Puck could see that his eyes were still trained on his awesome (sexy) physique.

"While you continue to ogle at N—Puck's chest I have much more important things to worry about such as catching that disgusting thing that's parading around our apartment!" Rachel said catching herself when she almost said Noah. Rachel always calls Puck Noah but whenever they were around any other people Rachel called him Puck.

"I refuse to let that repulsive creature mar my soon to be famous household!" Rachel said storming off.

"I guess I'll just be going then….Okay bye," Puck said trying to avoid Kurt's gaze.

Kurt looked disappointed as he closed the door behind him and he began to ponder about…things. Santana still hates him (obviously), Kurt is still very gay and Rachel….Rachel changed. Obviously. She was now living with Kurt and Santana, the two most unlikely persons he expected her to ever associate with.

Anyway aside from the fact that she became more socially adept she was just as hot as he remembered her to be. Maybe even hotter than Santana.

Puck smirked. If he's lucky maybe he'll get a threesome with Rachel and Santana.

But knowing Rachel she'll probably rip her own head off before letting him even touch her boobs.

…

Kurt and Rachel dropped the mattress onto the floor and Rachel knelt down spreading a bed sheet over the mattress. They have decided to make use of the mattresses Santana's parents bought them and they spent the remainder of the evening carrying it (or rather Rachel dragging it since Kurt kept flinching and looking over his shoulder for any sign of the bug-thing) to each of their rooms. Santana hadn't spoken to them or offered to help throughout the entire process and Kurt was becoming more and more annoyed.

"I don't understand how darling could take something such as Puck being our neighbor into such a big deal," Kurt grumbled as he watched Rachel neatly arrange the bed sheet and pillows.

"And what's with you making the extra effort? She hasn't even lifted a single finger and made a slight comment save for when she raised her left hand and said, "My nails look like shit"," Kurt said as he watched Rachel fluff the pillows.

"Santana has had a hard day. I am not sure about you but knowing that your ex-boyfriend who possibly fornicated with your ex-girlfriend is living in the same neighborhood and next door to us at the very least is not something very easy to adjust to," Rachel said as she spread the blanket all over.

Kurt rolled his eyes. In their years of friendship Rachel always played the role of the mediator.

"Are you two bitches back bitching me?" Santana said suddenly coming up from behind.

Kurt and Rachel jump before turning their heads to look at her, fake smiles plastered on their faces. Santana was in a bathrobe, her hair in a messy ponytail with a toothbrush in hand.

"What? No! Santana we would never slander you behind your back," Rachel sputtered.

"Darling, unlike most of your previous friends we actually have finesse," Kurt said nervously.

"Oh cut the crap! You two were bitching on me," Santana said plopping on the mattress.

"Santana! We actually respect you enough so if we ever have any qualms against you we would say it to your face," Rachel said.

"Don't worry! It's fine. I mean I was a bit of a bitch. You two are going to have to let me make it up to you," Santana said cracking into a smile.

"A treat in one of the finest plays in New York will suffice and then we'll call it even," Rachel said quickly while Kurt nodded in agreement.

"Well then….I guess it's safe to do a little talk and by little talk I mean full frontal gossip!" Kurt said excitedly hopping on the mattress pulling Rachel in with him.

"Explain why you were PMSing when you found out that Puck was our neighbor?' Kurt demanded excitedly.

"Because that dick slept with Brittany when I made it clear that I do not want him stepping all over my territory," Santana said.

"Your territory?" Rachel said through a muffled laugh.

"I'm not so sure if you've realized divalicious but darling over here, gets a little possessive when it comes to her…ahem….sleeping buddies," Kurt smirked.

"Hey, I maybe a bitch but I don't do crap on who I am. Yeah, I get a little possessive," Santana shrugged as she continued to brush her teeth.

"A little? Darling if we were cats you'd pee on whoever you laid your claim on," Kurt scoffed.

"Yes, I remember quite vividly about how you told me that you'd burn my hair if I ever continue to date N—Puck again," Rachel smiled.

"Speaking of you and Puck, I noticed that he kept on staring at you," Santana said narrowing her eyes.

"He was staring at everybody. He was rather shock, I might say," Rachel corrected.

"Yeah but he was staring at with his 'fuck me' eyes," she said looking at Rachel with a suspicious glare.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. He was probably staring at you…or…or at Kurt," Rachel said squirming under Santana's gaze.

"Now that would make one delicious conversation," Kurt said but he backed away after Santana gave him a glare.

"He _was_ staring at you," Santana said. Her voice sounded as if she was trying to sound indifferent but her voice was colored with a hint of worry.

"He most certainly was not! And if he was, I don't see why you're acting callous because N—Puck is certainly not in a sexual relationship with you any longer," Rachel said gaining enough confidence.

Santana's eyes were so narrowed that if possible, they came in only slits. Kurt fidgeted in his position.

"Um…divalicious….I don't think…..," Kurt said slowly shaking Rachel who was now glaring at Santana in anger. Rachel rarely butt heads with Santana but when they do it will be cataclysmic and epic and possibly the whole world could end.

And fights such as this could drag on for weeks, months even because Santana is too stubborn to make the first move and Rachel has an all-too consuming desire to always be right therefore pigs will fly before she ever makes the first move. When arguments like these break out Kurt usually lets them settle it on their own. He would know that they made up when they would drive up to the movie theater, buy popcorn and eat it in the parking lot and by the end of the evening Rachel and Santana would be talking to each other again. Kurt however did not want to start the first day of them moving in together with them arguing.

"If you're thinking that I still like him or whatever then you're thinking shit," Santana said a little angrily.

"You do seem to have a fixation of terrorizing whoever your ex dates or even whoever your ex finds attractive despite the relationship clearly being over," Rachel spat.

Santana was now glaring at her with fire in her eyes. If looks could kill then both her and Rachel would have been dead a million times now because the looks they sent each other were enough to kill an army of U.S soldiers.

"If you don't have anything better to do than to bitch on me then I suggest you get the fuck off my mattress and room!" Santana snapped.

"Fine! I will!" Rachel yelled before storming off to her own room angry that she did bother to make the extra effort.

Kurt froze and tried to avoid Santana's killer gaze.

"Moisturizing cream?" he offered squeamishly to Santana.

…

It was twelve midnight and Rachel found it difficult to sleep. She had this quirk wherein she couldn't sleep well if her surroundings are new. She remembered her first week in college and how it took her half the night before she could fall asleep. She was very pleased however, to know that she had a lot to ponder to pass her time.

Santana and Kurt have turned in earlier than her although they were both still on edge because of the Thing. Kurt had hogged the bathroom for a good one hour because of his nightly beauty ritual while Rachel filled the time by heating up some water and filling her thermostat with hot milk. Rachel's fathers always leave a thermostat filled with hot milk for her to drink whenever she can't sleep or whenever she wakes up unexpectedly.

She felt a bit guilty for the fight she and Santana got themselves into and felt a bit bothered that their first day in their new home started with them yelling at each other. She contemplated if she should go bring the thermostat full of milk as a piece offering but quickly decided against it deciding that she would be asleep and she knew well enough that Santana hates it when she gets bothered in her sleep.

She sighed and rolled over. She knew that it was mostly her pride that kept her from saying sorry but it was mostly her fault. But she supposed she should have anticipated this behavior from Santana since they have been living or at least sleeping in the same room for approximately three years now. In their college years Rachel witnessed Santana bitch slap a girl just because she caught her messing with an ex. She supposed that was just who she is.

The thermostat is almost empty and that's when Rachel began to think of Noah Puckerman. They had always been close in an odd kind of way. And she had never connected and opened up with another person the same way with Noah. Sure, there were plenty of times that they argued endlessly but she supposed that that was part of any relationship.

She wasn't sure if she was supposed to be flattered or wary that Noah found her….attractive. Wary she supposed. She had known of his reputation and she didn't really wish to be another one of his conquests.

Suddenly she heard a sound.

She saw her door knob rattling and she panicked. They were living in a neighborhood where crimes and murders happen on a day to day basis. Cautiously she grabbed her thermostat ready to fling it at the intruder. She was aware that the locks of the apartment weren't as sturdy and she made it a mental note to go shopping for new locks if she ever survives this situation.

Rachel's eyes flashed. She remembered Kurt and Santana. She swiftly grabbed her cell phone ready to call them when the door gave way and open. Rachel squeaked and threw the thermostat and the person ducked.

"Seesh, Ray. What the fuck?" Santana screeched.

Rachel looked at her and saw that she was breathing hard.

"Santana?" Rachel said.

"Santana," Rachel repeated this time sounding more cold and indifferent.

"Ray," Santana acknowledged.

"Anything I can help you with?" Rachel asked raising a brow.

"Yeah…I was busy looking out for the thing when I grew thirsty and decided to go wake Kurt up to go drive himself to the nearest convenience store to get me a bottle of water when I realized that the….thing was near my mattress," Santana said quickly as if she was afraid Rachel would interrupt her.

Rachel stared at Santana and tired her best to keep her lip from twitching. Their fight ended faster than expected.

"Oh," Rachel said stiffly.

Then without saying a word Santana curled herself up in Rachel' mattress and pulled the covers up. Rachel's face softened and with that simple (and completely rude and inappropriate gesture) she knew that their little feud was over. Well unofficially anyway. Rachel snuggled herself beside Santana and said, "Should we invite Kurt?"

She still said it with a hint of acid since they weren't officially friends yet. And she would rather eat herself before she would say something nicely first.

"Not yet. I have something really important to tell you," Santana whispered sounding a bit conspirational.

Rachel cocked an eyebrow.

"I heard that this one movie theater sells the best popcorn although their accommodations suck," Santana said.

They both looked at each other with half-grins on their faces.

"We must go their sometime," Rachel said.

"Yeah…," Santana said softly. The two of them continued to stare at the ceiling.

"I know that I shouldn't have overreacted but….oh shit….I don't know how to do this whole friends-stick-together-forever' shit or the 'BFFs-watch-each-other's-back' shit but….I've….I've seen that look in him a hundred times and well...," Santana said struggling with her words.

Rachel nodded prompting her to continue.

"It's just that you don't deserve someone like Puck. Puck maybe okay for some slut like me—''

"Don't be ridiculous! You are not a slut!" Rachel interrupted.

"Take a pill Ray. It's cool. I know how I can…be sometimes. But despite me saying I do—'' Santana gulped. "Care a lot about you and from my experience the girls Puck like likes end up either being very pissed or being very depressed."

Rachel just stared at Santana.

"I mean if you wanna do him then that's fine but—''

Rachel hugged Santana.

"I think we are all aware of the fact that Puck is a womanizing man whore. And I am quite sure that I would steer clear of any of his shenanigans" Rachel said.

Suddenly Kurt came in looking flustered.

"Oh in Anne Wintour's name!" he said plopping in between them.

"Thanks for giving a warning Queen," Santana said sarcastically.

"Judging by the really sappy girly moment you two just had, I'm guessing that you've made up," Kurt smirked.

"Not yet," Santana said.

"OH of course. The popcorn," Kurt said rolling his eyes.

"Would you care to explain your prescence?" Rachel asked.

"Gladly. That thing just invaded my room. And you darling what led you to Divalicious' room?" Kurt said wryly.

"I saw the thing near my mattress," Santana said sounding ashamed to be driven into such an amount of fear over such a tiny thing.

"Oh….would you two give it a rest? It's twelve midnight and I've done all I could to catch that thing," Rachel said exasperated. Rachel was the only one who did not find the bug frightening. In fact she found it annoying and resolved to hunt it down until it is removed from the face of the earth—or until she gets tired which would be about now.

"Well can we sleep with you? At least until the apartment has been debugged?" Kurt said.

Rachel nodded and said, "That's good. You see I have noticed that the locks are not very functional and we are living in a very….um…."

"Shitty Neighborhood?" Santana suggested.

"Yes, I suppose so. It would be good for us to all stay in one room," Rachel said.

"Great. Just add that to the list of things this apartment has….," Santana drawled.

"Shitty locks in a shitty neighborhood."

…

_I know that there isn't much Rachel and Puck interaction but their will be a lot next chapter. Keep reviewing and thanks for the reviews. _


	3. The War Against the Thing

**The War Against the Thing**

Rachel woke up, early in the morning to find the two spaces to her left empty. She rose and rubbed her eyes, her vision still a bit hazy. She left her room to find Santana sitting on the kitchen counter with a brown paper bag in hand. Kurt was beside her, busily smoothing his hair with a comb and pocket mirror in hand. Rachel made a noise to get their attention and Kurt just raised a brow up while Santana shoved the paper bag into her hands.

"Oh, I see that you're awake. How was your sleep? Me? I slept like a log," Kurt said answering his own question before giving Rachel a chance to speak.

"Not very dreamlike. _You _kept on kicking me in your sleep and Santana kept on snoring," Rachel huffed opening the brown paper bag.

It was a very greasy looking taco wrapped in plastic with oil nearly dripping down from its mouth. Rachel grimaced as she saw it and made a mental to go buy a sandwich in a nearby deli later.

"Breakfast? You like? It's from Papito's Taco Place. Now I know you don't usually do fast food but it's the most edible we could find in these….parts," Kurt said sneering a little bit at the mention of their neighborhood.

"It's very…..good," Rachel said thanking them for friendship's sake.

"Great. So we'll be going to the movie theater this evening," Santana said tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"And then you two can wrap this silly little argument up," Kurt said smoothing his jacket.

It was then and there that Rachel noticed that both Kurt and Santana were dressed smartly, fresh out of their sleeping clothes, with clothes fit for the high fashion demands of New York. Santana was wearing a loose black dress under a tight fitting grey coat, black stockings and a pair of ankle boots while Kurt decked himself with an Alexander McQueen white jacket with a Hermes scarf wrapped around his neck. Rachel raised a brow.

"I am quite curious to know what this get-up is all about," Rachel said eyeing their clothes.

"Oh this? Fabulous isn't it? I got this from a little shop tucked away in Lima. Anyway I and San darling are planning a little sightseeing in New York. We're just waiting for you," Kurt said as he put the mirror away.

"Sightseeing?" Rachel said raising a brow.

"You know watching famous monuments, hope to meet a weirdo and be able to get a picture and all that shit. I've never really been hear you know," Santana said sounding excited—it was fresh take from her usually snarky tone.

"Then I suggest you replace those heels with something less killer. If the suffocation of wall to wall people and the bumper to bumper traffic won't kill you then the hours of walking _in those _will," Rachel said eyeing Santana's ankle boots.

"These? Pffft. These are nothing. I've danced in heels three times longer for three straight hours," Santana sniffed.

"What were you dancing? The sidestep?' Kurt snickered.

"Watch it Queen!" Santana glared.

"Well I hope you two enjoy yourself and actually do _real sightseeing. _I'm implying that you shouldn't just tour fashion shops but actually go in places with real historical value," Rachel said matter-of-factly.

"What's the point of New York if you won't visit—wait. Are you insinuating that you refuse to come? Is this about the argument? Because honestly not only is it weird and mildly childish but—''

"No, it's not about the argument. It's just that I have seen quite a broad specter of New York already from the numerous birthdays I have had here. I'll be fine. I would like to spend the day, perhaps encapsulating the unknown Thing and maybe if Lady Luck smiles upon me….I'd be able to successfully do away with it," Rachel said quickly.

Santana looked bored, as she always does when Rachel launches into a long speech while Kurt looked as if he was still processing everything she had said.

"Hmm…if that's all you've got to say then me and Queen will get going," Santana said hopping off the counter.

"We'll try to visit a museum or a haunted hospital for you Divalicious," Kurt said pulling his sunglasses up.

They both filed out of the door. Before Kurt closed it he said, "A word to the wise. Make sure to always keep this in hand in case some asshole tries to get in."

"Or if that crappy excuse for human Puck comes even within our doorstep," Santana added.

He tossed a pepper spray at Rachel and rolled his eyes at Santana. Rachel nodded, "Well noted."

Then Kurt gave a final salute before closing the door.

…

"Boob! Boob! COO-kie!" roared Mr. Scherbatsky.

Puck had seriously no idea what on earth the dude was talking about. Mr. Scherbatsky had knocked on his door early in the morning and then he began to ramble endlessly in Russian before switching to the two English words he knew which were boob and cookie.

Mr. Scherbatsky was a tall man nearly standing up to seven feet tall. He was wiry save for his belly which was round and always protruding. He had a long, oddly shaped head with a jutting chin that had only three hairs on it.

"COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE!" he yelled on and on and Puck was getting nowhere as to what he might be saying.

"Dude! I don't speak Russian!" he said over the din of Mr. Scherbatsky's voice. The man huffed before shoving a piece of paper into Puck's face. The man gestured to his apartment door then pointed at Puck then the paper.

"Oh. This paper's mine but it was placed on your door front?" Puck questioned.

Mr. Scherbatsky looked at Puck questioningly. Puck sighed.

"Boob boob boob boob BOOB…cookie…boob….cookie, cookie, cookie and Boob," Puck said trying to stifle his laughter as he pretended to speak conversationally with the man with the two words he only knew.

Then to his shock the dude gave an "Ahh…." then he nodded before scrambling off. Seriously Puck thinks that the man was playing everybody. Honestly, he was making a sentence out of two words that don't even go together and the man acted as if he understood everything.

Puck unfolded the paper and in it was neatly typed:

To Mr. Noah Puckerman:

I would like to inform you that you are long overdue in your monthly payments _and _you have not yet fully completed your reservation payment. Unless you have paid all these then expect to be evicted any day soon or at least until I come back from my lovely vacation from the Bahamas.

Pleasure doing business with you and I hope you don't get kicked out.

Mr. Coolley

Landowner

P.S.: **_Stop hitting on my wife._**

Puck scowled in annoyance but at the same time he felt dread creeping up on him. Usually he was able to get what he wants either buy flexing his awesome guns or by using his famous 'I'll kill you eyes'. Now that he was in the real world the people who had real power were people with money. Puck thought hard at the smelly pizza box at the back of his closet where he stuffed some cash a few weeks back. Maybe he still had enough to scrape through the rent for one month or if it wasn't there anymore (he was pretty sure there weren't any considering he had spent it all on beer) then he would have to sleep with Mr. Coolley's wife. And if that doesn't work he could always con one of his neighbors on the account that they're either senile or recovering from drugs.

Puck thought this through deciding thoughtfully which part of his plans would push through much better. The money in the pizza box was a definite no-go since he was so sure he spent it on beer. Sleeping with Mr. Coolley was something still pending. While he normally wouldn't be opposed to cougars he is opposed to _fat, ugly _cougars and Mrs. Coolley, aside from being a shameless flirt (Puck swears he never flirted with her) was the very definition of those two words. Which leaves the option of conning his neighbors into giving him some cash and expecting him to not pay back.

The elderly couple would probably be kind enough to give him some cash but Puck had a soft spot for old people. Mrs. Thimble was old but she was also crazy so Puck was afraid that if he asked her she would start yelling and banging her head against the wall. Coco was never an option since he was always obsessing over moldy cheese since he had never quite recovered from his cocaine days. And Mr. Scherbatsky was not even in the list. He was smarter than what he let other people think. That left Rachel and her…friends. But he was pretty sure Rachel would see right through his con.

Puck continued to re-examine his options when he heard loud clanging and bangings coming from next door Puck. Puck rolled his eyes. Rachel and her…_friends _(he still doesn't believe it) seem to have a penchant for making loud noises.

Puck knocked on the door and when no one answered he opened the door directly on impulse. It was a habit of his that got him into trouble once or twice but most of the time when he opened the door without knocking to a naked woman….well that pretty much makes it a good habit. But there was one time Puck opened it to a naked man. He would rather not dwell on that topic.

He realized that the locks weren't so good. He made it a mental note to buy Rachel a padlock because somehow he found it disturbing that an intruder could easily get in without much effort. Puck opened the door to find some sort of complicated contraption with Rachel's ass sticking out again. She was crouched on her knees assembling something with a fold of tissue papers. The contraption was made with pots and pans. He saw a wooden pole sticking out from the mass of metal with a piece of moldy cheese that would have drove Coco mad, tied on a string. Rachel was muttering something as she folded then unfolded the tissue again before cursing out loud to fold it in another shape.

Puck tried to comprehend her purpose in this when suddenly found himself being sprayed by something. Again. This time it really stung his eyes to the point that it made him cry. Puck tried to force the tears back but the pain was so startling that it blinded him and any effort to open his eyes would only cause tears to block his vision. He yelped in agony and tried to keep himself from looking like a total pussy.

"Noah! Oh my—Oh heavens! I'm so sorry! I didn't realize it was you. I thought that you were some sort of disgusting and vile person who has come to do some sort of disgusting and horrible thing to me! I am so ashamed—''

"It HURTS!" Puck bellowed and he suddenly felt a pair of tiny hands grab his arms trying to drag him.

"What the hell?" he yelled.

"I'm trying to help you!" Rachel snapped.

Puck felt himself being dragged to some corner. He heard the scraping sound of a chair, the noise of Rachel's tiny feet shuffling about and finally felt her hands push him. He felt his ass land on the chair and the next thing he knew water was being heaped unto his face. Rachel continued to apologize and Puck continued to yell.

Finally after what seemed like hours Puck could see a blurry outline of things. He was in a small, cramped bathroom with dingy looking walls and Rachel stood before him looking shocked and worried. She was wearing a short-sleeved pink blouse with a dreamy, pink skirt.

"Can you see?" she squeaked.

"Yeah," Puck muttered.

Then suddenly he felt a whack on his head.

"What?"

"You inconsiderate boor! How dare you enter my premises without my permission! For all I know, you could have been a serial rapist!" she shrieked beating him with her little fists.

"Hey, I'm not the one who almost blinded someone else!" he yelled rubbing his eyes.

"Well, none of this would have happened if you just had the decency to knock," Rachel sniffed primly.

Suddenly they heard the sound of firecrackers and a startled yell coming from the living room. Rachel yelped and prepared to go outside when Noah took her hand and said urgently, "I go first…."

Slowly, the two of them tiptoed to the living room, Rachel behind Puck. The yells dissolved into anguished screams and cries. She knew that the trap she assembled was meant for the Thing but she knew that even the Thing would be incapable of making sounds such as this. It turned into racked sobs and Rachel unintentionally grabbed Puck's hand. What if some crazy person entered their apartment? She felt very lucky that Noah and his impressive guns were here to possibly protect her from anything bad.

"Oh for fuck's sake…" Puck groaned.

Rachel's eyes widened and she snapped, "What?"

In the living room was a sallow man who had the skin of sour milk. His features were gaunt and his eyes were sallow and sunken and what Rachel noticed about him was that he smelled so rotten. Like moldy cheese.

"Coco," Puck sighed.

…

Least to say, Rachel was very ashamed. It turns out that Puck had a neighbor who was once a drug addict and is recovering his need for cocaine through moldy cheese. Apparently, he had smelled the moldy cheese she had set as a trap for the Thing and having a very acute sense of smell (when it comes to moldy chesses) he tracked it down. Seeing the door ajar and thinking that the elaborately set trap was simply an invitation instead of a ruse to capture some sort of tiny animal (Rachel concluded that his mind was not quite in the right place) he took the cheese and Rachel's brilliantly set trap immediately fell into place.

Coco had received a total of five bruises, two lumps in his head and like Puck, he was sprayed with pepper spray only twice the amount and it took thirty minutes of washing for him to stop bawling. And it was an even worse experience than when she and Kurt washed the bathroom. His smell of moldy cheese stung her eyes and nose and Puck refused to be of any assistance.

After all was well and the man had stopped crying Rachel sighed and shook his hand saying, "I am terribly sorry…."

"Ah no! Darlin' I've never seen a gurl as pretty as dis one. You from Lima?" he said in slurred voice.

"Oh yes!" Rachel said.

"Girls from Lima. Always told me pa that I'd like one of 'em! My friends were always sayin' that they come on pretty tight!" he said.

"Ah…of course," Rachel said just wishing for the conversation to end.

"Um…one more thing. Can I have duh cheese?" Coco asked smiling crookedly.

"Oh! Of course!" Rachel said shoving the cheese into the man's hand. The man took it greedily, as a child might of candy, before scurrying away muttering words of glee.

"Well I suppose now would be safe to assume that all this is your fault!" Rachel accused.

"Me?" Puck cried back incredulously.

"If it hadn't been for you I would have caught the Thing and would have thoroughly decapitated it if it weren't for you!" she snapped.

"Oh so now it's my fault that I was almost blind!" Puck said.

"I'm just saying that you must have proper manners," Rachel said.

"What the fuck is the Thing anyway? I mean gay-shionista is even gayer than usual and the evil bitch is screaming as if it was Osama Bin Ladin!" Puck asked incredulously as Rachel stooped over, trying to fix her trap.

"I do not appreciate you slandering the good names of my friends and using such an assortment of crude words. And for your information, the Thing is actually a thing of horrifying monstrosity and I will not rest until it is either severely injure or dead," Rachel muttered as began to reload her pepper spray gun.

"Yeah," Puck said skeptically.

Rachel caught the note of skepticism in his voice and glared at him, "You don't believe me?"

"Well, girls tend to overreact," Puck shrugged carelessly.

"Kurt is technically speaking, not a girl," Rachel shot back.

"He's gay. That counts," Puck said.

"Oooh. You are insufferable. And just so you know that was a very sexist remark," Rachel snapped.

Puck wasn't about to tell her but when he heard her say the word sexist he was a bit turned on.

She stood up and placed her hands hon her hips. "Anyway if you have nothing better to do than to mock me then I suggest you leave and—''

"Berry!" Puck said urgently. Creeping up her leg was the biggest bug he ever saw. It had on armored coating of some sort, it was an ugly mixture of brown and black and it eyes were the size of saucers.

"And I feel things would go on much faster—''

"Berry!"

"And you are being quite no use if I might add—''

"Rachel!"

And by then the Thing was on her shoulder. Rachel started to scream and yell and jump up and down trying to get rid of the bug. Puck would have found it funny except now its flying. Towards him!

"It flies?" Rachel said in a mixture of awe and horror.

Puck didn't have time to answer her. The Thing flew over him and it secreted something out—it some sort of brown gooey stuff that was in tiny little balls. It looked like melting, Cadbury chocolate balls.

"It defecated!" Rachel yelled.

"It pooped on my head!" Puck roared.

The Thing began to flit all over the room and seeing that Puck was still stunned at the transpired events to do anything she took her trusty cologne (which had an odor that surprisingly kills bugs) and the pepper spray and she began to spray all over the room in a frenzy hitting Puck in the process and the only thing Rachel managed to achieve is that she made Puck smell like a pungent version of a Victoria Secret's cologne.

Suddenly it flew over Puck and pooped on him one last time with a flourish. Rachel tried to stifle a giggle and Puck gritted his teeth.

"This means war."

…

"I absolutely abhor this idea! I refuse! I refute! I completely disagree!" Rachel screeched as Puck geared himself up for battle. Rachel had been nagging and snapping at him as she watched him set up an even more ridiculously complicated contraption to catch the Thing than before—and it had more brutal ways of killing it. Puck had enlisted himself in her little quest to catch and destroy the bug much to Rachel's dismay. He had cleaned off the poop from his head and was now rampaging around her apartment with fire in his eyes.

It wasn't as if Rachel had any misgiving with working with Puck but she knew that Santana would be mightily offended if her advice hadn't been taken and her concern treated with apathy. And Santana had a touchy temper.

"Quiet! Look, I don't get what the big yahoo is. I mean, I'm helping you. Do you want to get pooped on?" Puck said as he did the finishing touches of his trap.

Rachel looked around and touched her head expecting the Thing to come flying in and to excrete disgusting poop on her head.

"Exactly," Puck nodded seeing her expression. Then he scrunched up his nose and said, "What is the fuck is the perfume you sprayed on the bug? It reeks with the pepper spray."

"That happens to be "Forever Yours" by a very well respected perfume company," Rachel sniffed.

"Now I know why it's called "Forever Yours". The smell never leaves you!" Puck grumbled. He had washed himself with a wet cloth in Rachel's bathroom (much to her protests) for the half past hour but to no avail.

"It is a perfectly good smell! It celebrates the vibrant and luminous smell of red tea and features notes of bergamot, spicy oranges, pink pepper, fig pulp, rosewater, freesia, patchouli, suede and amber!" Rachel huffed as she followed him around the room

"Whatever. Anyway, hand me the pepper spray and perfume so I can load my better and more _improved _pepper spray gun," Puck said glowing with pride at the contrivance he thought he would never have possessed the ingeniousity to create.

"My pepper spray gun is completely well-designed and as enhanced as any pepper spray gun could be!" Rachel snapped peevishly annoyed to know that she had been bested at something she considered herself more superior to.

"Just give me the pepper spray!"

"For your information you and your peculiarly disquieting friend and the little fiasco with pooing Thing have emptied my resources of pepper spray so you have only you yourself to blame," Rachel said

"And since I have vowed to my friends that I would apprehend the Thing and dispose of it, I must now go to this horrid neighborhood or at least walk for miles to the city lest I am to be forcefully apprehended by some vile being, looking for some pepper spray," she said as she grabbed a tote bag and began to fill it up with her wallet and other important contents.

"Wait—what?" Puck said still reeling from Rachel's long colloquy. Rachel didn't answer him but instead she scrunched her nose and looked up.

"So you're leaving?"

"Of course."

"Outside? On your own?" Puck said his jaw dropping.

"What else!" Rachel said as grabbed a coat.

"Fuck, Berry! You can't just go prance around here with a skirt _like that,_" Puck said eyeing her billowing, pink skirt.

"I am perfectly capable of handling myself in any given situation! I was once an Ohio Girl Scouts and aside from becoming the troop leader I also became a den mother in my later years when I was in high school. I've learned quite a bit," Rachel said smoothing down her skirt. She checked the clock and saw that it was already past one o'clock and she suddenly felt herself being overcome with hunger.

"Oh yeah? What happens if some douche tries to frisk you? What do you _plan _to do? Sing him a song until he dies?" Puck sneered.

"Well if the situation arises and anyways I refuse to be seen with a person who smells like he just took a bath in a vat of cologne….," Rachel said placing a palm over her growling stomach.

"Hey, you're the one who said that the cologne smelled nice. Don't be dumb. At least let me come with you," Puck said flexing his muscles.

"No thank you Noah but I do appreciate your concern," Rachel said primly as she opened the door.

"Hey, I'm trying to be a good neighbor. Isn't that what the rabbis tell us or something?" Puck said.

"Actually that statement is more Catholic really," Rachel smiled.

"Yeah, well I'm going and I'd just like to see your tiny fists try and stop me," Puck said smugly trailing her from behind.

"Noah….this is absolutely unnecessary," Rachel frowned. Suddenly she yelped and jumped back. In front of her was a very tall and wiry man who was nothing more than skin pasted on some bones. Strangely he had a large belly and he had an oddly shaped head, jutting chin with only a few hairs on it.

"Boob! Boob! Cookie!" he said, his eyes lighting up with some newfound fire.

Rachel pressed against Puck completely confused and at the same time she was absolutely afraid. What on earth was this man implying? She sincerely hoped that he wasn't talking about_ her_ breasts. She could detect a foreign accent in his speech.

"Rachel, meet Mr. Scherbatsky! He's Russian and those were the only English words he knew," Puck said smirking a bit.

"How interesting…nice to be acquainted," Rachel said, unwilling to hold her hand out for a handshake.

The man took it eagerly with his both hands and Rachel cringed.

"Ray-chel!" he said through his thick Russian Accent.

Puck frowned a little. He had been living in the same building with the man for months and he couldn't even pronounce his one syllable name and yet he could say Rachel's after just minutes.

"Красивый! Красивый!" he said reverting to Russian.

"Um….how quaint," Rachel said in a flustered tone. She tried to take her hand back but the man was hell bent on holding unto it.

"Um…well I best be going now….thanks," she said pulling her hand after the word 'thanks'.

Mr. Scherbatsky looked sad and like a child who is about to cry, his eyes watered and he made a strange whimper.

"See Rach! You made him cry," Puck accused.

"Oh…..well…I will see you again of course," Rachel said hurriedly.

The man looked at her questioningly.

"Make a sentence out of boob and cookie," Puck whispered.

"How ridiculous!" Rachel snapped at him.

"Try it," Puck urged.

Rachel looked uncomfortable and said, "Boob…cookie…cookie boob cookie boob…" as if she spoke a sentence. To her surprise the man nodded understandably and ambled out of her way.

"Quite an interesting bunch of neighbors you have," Rachel said faintly.

"So about me going…."

"Of course—of course…."

…

They had walked a great deal from her strange neighborhood to the heart of New York City. Rachel was hungry and demanded that she must eat otherwise she would faint. Puck rolled his eyes at her overdramatic actions and he took her to a nearby deli. Rachel had taken about thirty minutes just to order.

"Will it be rye bread with spinach or perhaps wheat with tofu?" Rachel mused.

"Just give your fucking order!" Puck snapped.

"Don't swear so publicly!" Rachel spat.

And after holding up the line for so long she finally decided on yogurt and buttered bread. The cashier rolled her eyes and nodded. Rachel poked puck.

"What?"

"Your order," Rachel said.

Puck mumbled some excuse and his eyes dropped. He didn't have a single penny in his pocket and for some reason he felt ashamed that Rachel would know that. A look of realization dawned on Rachel's face.

"Oh, well…no worries. I'm sure there's a perfectly good excuse as to why you aren't armed with cash," Rachel said opening her purse.

"Wait what?" Puck said whipping his head to her.

"I'll pay for you. Now order," Rachel said in a commanding tone.

The cashier snickered.

"Look, Berry I'm not letting you pay for me!" Puck said in consternation.

"Oh stop being so chauvinistic! We happen to be in the twenty first century!" Rachel said taking out some cash.

"I'm not letting a girl pay for me!"

"Stop causing a scene!" Rachel piped back.

"You did that when it took you thirty minutes just to order food!" Puck roared.

Behind them the line grew longer and everyone let out an annoyed sigh.

"This is absolutely nonsensical!" she said aloud and then turning to the cashier she said, "He would like to order the meat sandwich."

"What the fuck?" Puck said.

"Well I assumed that since you are a man—and men tend to eat plenty—that you would be more inclined towards a meaty platter," Rachel said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not letting you—''

The cashier shoved the sandwich, buttered bread and yogurt at them and that was the end of the discussion.

Puck muttered endlessly as he ate his sandwich.

"Oh don't be such a baby," Rachel scoffed.

"Next time Rach…." Puck said as he took a bite off his sandwich.

"Slip the cash in my hand when no one is looking."

…

Rachel actually found herself having a great time against all expectations. After lunch Puck was still moody but that went away quickly enough since Rachel allowed him to choose the brand of pepper spray and to her annoyance he chose one that had a rather lewd picture of a woman in the shopping for some bug spray they discussed ways to terminate the bug. Puck made Rachel buy a tennis racket that actually electrocutes bugs.

"One way or the other I will win this war against the Thing," Rachel said determinedly.

"And one way or the other I'll get back at the little shit for pooping on me," Puck added.

After that they both went around New York and Rachel gave him a little impromptu tour with knowledge she gained from the many birthdays she had there. After a lot of different sites Rachel showed him Broadway and her eyes became dreamy.

"I swear Noah, you'll see me there someday," Rachel said distantly.

"That might not be too long from now," Puck smiled and he pointed at a giant poster.

"Auditions for….La Cage?" Rachel said scanning the poster. Her dreamy eyes changed to a look of ferocity and Puck saw that she looked resolved on the idea of getting the part. Suddenly her eyes melted into fear. Across them, from the wave of people passing through, Rachel spotted the flutter of a grey dress and the quiver of a Hermes scarf.

"La Cage? Seems kinda dirty," Puck said wiggling his eyebrows. He expected Rachel to slap him playfully. He did not expect however for her to grab him and pull him to a dark nook.

The two of them were wedged together so tightly that their mouths were only an inch apart. Rachel's heart beat nervously. For some reason she did not wish for Santana and Kurt to find out that she has been gallivanting across New York with Puck.

"Why, Berry if you wanted me to do you all you had to do was ask," Puck smirked.

"Don't be ludicrous! I simply want that Santana and Kurt not see us. I don't know if you've realized but you and Santana aren't exactly in the best of terms," Rachel said trying to hide the fact that she was growing with heat at the closeness of their bodies.

Somehow Puck found that disturbing to know that Rachel didn't want to her friends to know that they were friends.

…

Santana's eyes narrowed. She and Kurt had decided to visit Broadway to see any auditions that Rachel might try out for when she recognized the tall, muscular physique of someone very familiar with a small petite frame at his side.

She was already in a bad mood from walking all those distances in heels and she did not wan to add that womanizing man whore into her list.

"Is that Rachel?" Santana asked standing on her tippy toes.

Kurt had already recognized and seen them from a distance and he saw Rachel pull Puck into a dark corner. Kurt knew that Santana would be a bit angry at Rachel for not following her advice.

Kurt pulled his shades on and lied faintly, "Nope. Not at all."

…

_Sorry for taking forever to update but anyway….ta-dah! Thanks for the reviews! Keep reviewing!_

_P.S.: Guess what Mr. Scherbatsky was telling Rachel? xD_


	4. I Kissed A Girl and I Didn't Like It

**I Kissed A Girl and I Didn't Like It**

Rachel sat still in her room for a few minutes before standing up and leaning on the doorway. She stared down at their semi-furnished living room. Kurt, Santana and Rachel had gone furniture shopping but all they've managed to purchase was a lousy (and utterly expensive) beanbag with all the payments they were staggering to pay including the rest of their down payment and the month's first rent. Kurt was seated at the counter his face plastered with a sense of mocking solemnity. Santana on the other hand was sitting in their (ridiculously expensive!) beanbag, her face glistening with sweat while her eyes flashed a look of worry. She was busy looking at some papers.

Rachel tried to make her face look as stern as possible and she said in what she imagined to be a very professional voice, "Step into my office."

Santana stood up, squared her shoulders and breathed, "Whew. It's like you're asking me to have sex or something…."

Kurt didn't do anything to restrain his laughter. He giggled uncontrollably and Rachel flashed him an angry look.

"Kurt! Stop it! I want to make this as realistic as possible!" Rachel hissed.

Santana had already sent in her resumes and she was preparing for several job interviews. The thing was…for all of Santana's rather brash outspokenness …she totally sucked when it came to being interviewed. It had all started after she got a call back from one New York medical institution. Kurt had made Santana look slick and professional; Rachel thought that she looked like she had been doing psychology for years with her green pencil skirt and matching blazer.

However the interviewer intimidated Santana so much that she ended up peeing in her skirt and she stuttered so badly that the interviewer told her that she was talking some sort of alien language. She was on a rampage after that and since then Rachel and Kurt have been subjected to helping her prepare for all her interviews. It hadn't been exactly easy. When they interview Santana she always talked to them conversationally as if they were simply themselves—_her friends—_and not some bigwig interviewer who probably holds the decision if she gets the axe.

So today Rachel decided that it will be no nonsense this time. She planned on making the atmosphere as realistic as possible although it was very difficult considering their only 'furniture' was a (extravagantly priced) bean bag. And whenever it was Kurt's turn to interview Santana he would get distracted by talking about Vera Wang or some other fashion designer.

So Rachel laid down the law. She had watched and researched how cold-blooded interviewers act and timed their expressions and tried to perfect it. She decided that this would be a great acting practice.

"Sorry," Kurt said through muffled laughter.

Santana took a deep breath and strode towards Rachel in her most respectable gait. As she passed Rachel, Rachel grabbed her shoulder as she spotted the wad of papers tucked under her armpit.

"Santana! No cheat sheets!" Rachel whispered.

"Says who?" Santana shot back.

"I can't believe you! You didn't even bother to read the tips I took the liberty of printing for you!" Rachel said in a low voice.

Before Santana could utter a reply Kurt snorted, "What's with all this whispering? It's just the three of us you know!"

"We're supposed to be in a corporate setting and I supposedly am a concerned friend who is giving her a friendly tip before the interview! Should I be yelling to the world that she's bringing a mass of papers with answers on them to an interview!" Rachel snapped.

"Wait. I thought that you were the interviewer," Kurt said in confusion.

"Let's just get this over with!" Santana huffed before stomping inside Rachel's room.

Rachel sighed and sidestepped letting Santana pass through. Santana entered her room and sat on Rachel's mattress as Rachel dragged the (outrageously expensive) bean bag. Then with her nose held high she said in a stiff voice, "Do not worry Mr. Hummel. I will give you the results of her interview and my recommendation."

"Okay—what?" Kurt said, his voice now colored with more and more perplexity.

"You're supposed to be the boss!" Rachel sighed in exasperation.

"Ray! I'm dying in here!" Santana called from her room.

Rachel gave another annoyed sigh before slamming the door after her. Santana was already sitting on the mattress and she looked edgy, her bravado slowly fading. Rachel sat on the bean bag and looked at Santana with her most critical and stern eye.

"So Miss Lopez, shall we begin?" Rachel asked making herself comfortable on the (absolutely expensive) bean bag. Santana squirmed on the bed and made a gagging noise in her throat. Rachel raised a brow then Santana seeing Rachel's subtle prod, quickly smoothened her expression.

"Yeah, sure Ray," Santana said and Rachel sighed. She was slowly lapsing into her conversational manner.

"It's Miss Berry, Miss Lopez," Rachel corrected.

"Fine! _Miss Berry,_" Santana retorted.

Rachel rolled her eyes and started her first question, "What is it about psychology that interests you?"

Santana looked at Rachel for a while before a look of panic spread on her face. She began to twirl a lock of hair and she groped for her answer, "I like psychology because…well…you know….it's real good shit—''

"Miss Lopez!" Rachel said pretending to be scandalized.

"This is like a friggin' exam," Santana muttered.

"Miss Lopez?" Rachel prodded.

"Oh…right. Well I am interested in psychology because—'' then Santana's face lights up.

"Oh, right! Because it bridges biological sciences and social sciences, and as a medical specialty it stresses patient-psychologist relationship on the standpoint of mental health and humanity. It's a specialty evolving more quickly than any other medical specialties," Santana dictated saying it as if she was memorizing something.

"Oh…and I like its dynamics," she added.

Rachel groaned. Santana answered the first question as if it was a test. She fumbled for the answers and she didn't answer the question with the natural ease as an interviewee usually does.

"Um…okay. What do you expect doing as a psychologist?" Rachel continued her mind whirring with ways as to how she could gently reproach her friend with the way she was going about the interview.

"Well….I believe that—hey Ray, is that a new jacket?" Santana said getting distracted. Rachel tried to remain in her formal composure.

"That is the shit! Did Kurt pick that out for you?" Santana said.

"It's Miss Berry and how many time do I have to tell you? We do not swear—well…no actually. _I _picked this out," Rachel said proudly completely forgetting her 'realistic experience'.

"You've got to be kidding me. Up until now Kurt still has to screen your wardrobe choices!" Santana scoffed.

"Ask Kurt yourself! This is quite a fashionable number," Rachel said proudly.

"Hell to the yes! It's fabulous! Can I borrow it?" Santana said fingering the sleeve.

"Why, of course Santana. I am always more than willing to lend my friends—wait! We're supposed to be in an interview!" Rachel huffed.

"Still where _did _you get that? Because it's fucking awesome," Santana said ignoring Rachel. She leaned in closer and began to examine the jacket more closely.

"Well I do admit that I had a little help. I bought this at a store in New York tucked away beside one of those big fancy shops. Puck gave his opinion regarding the matter—''

Rachel froze completely aware that she had just made a very, _very wrong _mistake. Santana froze and narrowed her eyes. She pursed her lips and sat back twirling a lock of her brown hair.

"Puck? _Puck?_" she hissed.

"Puck? Oh heavens no! I didn't say Puck! I said…..duck! Yes, duck!" Rachel said tittering in the (absurdly priced) bean bag.

"So a duck helped you pick out that jacket," Santana said disbelievingly.

Rachel gave a nervous laugh and all coherent thoughts left her brain. She immediately began to babble nonsense, "Well, the store I went into has…um…this duck that has incredible fashion prowess. It quacks if it thinks that the clothes are quite fashionable enough."

Santana glared at Rachel with heavy skepticism.

"You know….like the octopus that predicted the winning team during FIFA…," Rachel murmured. Santana rolled her eyes and clicked her teeth.

"I heard Puck. Try and fool me as much as you want Ray but I'm not dumb…or am I deaf," Santana said.

"Don't be ridiculous! You are my friend! I would never try to fool you. Now let's get back to the interview….," Rachel said nervously.

"Ray, you know what I told you about Puck—''

Suddenly the door opened and in came Kurt looking just as nervous as Rachel. Santana snapped Kurt an annoyed look but Rachel quickly stood up and saw this as her chance of escape.

"Yes, Kurt?" Rachel asked trying to sound nonchalant as if she wasn't in a tense situation.

"The phone's been ringing and it's your dad…or daddy…or whatever," Kurt said. He sounded like a really bad actor who was pretending to sound cool. Rachel immediately fled from the room and said, "Oh I'll get on it."

"Wait. We don't have a phone," Santana protested.

"This interview will resume in a few minutes," Rachel said ignoring Santana before closing the door.

The moment the door shut off any of Santana's protests Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. Kurt pressed his back against the door to prevent Santana from coming out.

"Thank the Lord that the owner of this building is a cheapo because I would've never managed to bail you out without these really thin walls," Kurt said fanning himself with his hands.

"Wait? You were eavesdropping?" Rachel hissed.

"I'm just a concerned boss trying to find out if the hired interviewer is doing her job properly," Kurt said primly.

"I do my job fine, thank you very much!" Rachel snapped.

"That's not the point! Did you swallow a whole bottle of kerosene or maybe you drank vodka or Tequila Margarita? Mentioning _his _name! Santana advised you…."

"She was only advising. Technically I can choose to follow it or not," Rachel said in a low voice. Suddenly she noticed that something was amiss and she realized that she _hadn't _told Kurt that she and Puck now have a daily routine every afternoon that involved him stopping by with new schemes and plots to eliminate the Thing running amuck in their apartment unit. She was also very sure that she hadn't told Kurt that it was a weird habit for Rachel and Puck to jog around the creepy neighborhood every morning because Puck was concerned that it might be too dangerous for Rachel to jog alone.

"What? You know?" Rachel whispered faintly.

"I'm gay, not blind," Kurt said flatly.

"But how?" Rachel faltered.

"Subtlety is not your best attribute. Really, you wake up in the morning as if you were spearheading a nuclear war," Kurt said flicking a speck of dirt from his nails.

"I move about perfectly fine!" Rachel retorted. Suddenly the door opened and in came Santana looking extremely indifferent and bored. She sauntered over at Rachel and Kurt and said quietly, "So are you two done PMSing because if I suck at this interview then I swear I'll hang you on my window by your heels."

"Ms. Lopez!" Kurt smiled in a professional tone.

"Shut up, Queen. _You_, come here. We need to finish my interview," Santana said gesturing Rachel to re-enter their room.

Rachel cleared her throat and tried to regain her professional tone, "Miss Lopez, I am currently in a trying situation right now so if you could—''

"Oh, for fuck's sake Ray!" Santana howled.

Rachel and Kurt stepped back. Suddenly Kurt's eyes brightened and he said in a very excited voice, "Is that Brad Pitt!" He pointed at the window.

"Nice try Queen. But I majored in psychology. It would take more than something as dumbass as that to fool me," Santana scoffed.

"He really was there you know," Kurt said shrinking away looking offended.

Rachel sighed and decided to just tell Santana once and for all. It was after all, just a friendship. It was nothing more than that. And despite Santana being offended when her advice is not taken into consideration, Rachel believed that she would understand enough.

"Santana—''

"Please, can we just finish the interview!" Santana sighed.

"But—''

"Oh, fuck! Ray, I hate to break it to you but you're not really good at this secret thing than you thought," Santana said exasperated.

"What? For your information I am quite skilled in the art of secrecy," Rachel said forgetting herself.

"See! Even Santana said it! You suck at espionage. If you were in Charlie's Angels, Demi Moore will probably have figured you out even before you took off your butler costume," Kurt said triumphantly.

Santana rolled her eyes and said, "I mean you can't be more obvious. Jogging in the morning? The place reeks with Puck's disgusting and sweaty smell."

Rachel opened her mouth to say something but drew back as she considered this. Yes, Puck did smell awful, especially when he was sweaty.

"So…you….I…..wait, what?" Rachel muttered in confusion.

"Oh sweet Gucci! You knew this whole time?" Kurt gaped.

"Doi," Santana said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So we were pretending for nothing?" Kurt said.

"If you knew why didn't you just tell us?" Rachel demanded.

"Because you two are really crappy actors, no offense. It was fun watching you pull all kinds of stunts just to keep me from knowing," Santana said with an impish grin.

Rachel and Kurt both looked stony-faced after being called bad actors.

"I mean I already told you that if you wanted to do him, I'd be down with it. But no….you had to cover it as if it was some big fancy secret….like you getting herpes or something…," Santana said in between fits of laughter.

"Miss Lopez, I do not appreciate inappropriate intervals of laughter," Kurt said returning to his phony professional voice.

"And if you expect me to take you seriously in a work area, then I suggest you stop laughing. Let us resume our interview," Rachel said standing a little straighter and entering the room.

Santana stopped laughing and gave an eye roll. She muttered as she followed Rachel to the room, "Seesh. Executives can be real sensitive."

…

"So I think if we made a smoke bomb and like…you leave the apartment unit and we set the smoke bomb on, then the thing will die and it'd be grade A fucking fantastic!" Puck said excitedly as he showed a rough and crude sketch of a smoke bomb written with magic marker on a tissue.

"Noah, first of all, that plan is utterly ridiculous for the raison d'être of the malodorous results of the after effect of the stink bomb. And anyways, I would think that Santana or Kurt would be very irritated with me if the whole apartment unit smelled like farce—even if the thing is destroyed," Rachel muttered as she scanned a page from a booklet.

"Damn. Why do you always shoot my plans down?" Puck sighed.

"I'm sorry but I don't think turning our apartment unit into a putrid pit hole of poop is the answer to the Thing problem and neither is dressing a rat up to look like a female version of Thing to attract it! I mean we're not even sure if it is male or female!" Rachel said absentmindedly, eyes still firmly locked on the booklet.

"Fine! But it's not like you're making any great plans!" Puck spat. They then lapsed into a thoughtful silence. Suddenly Puck's eyes shone and he snapped his fingers.

"We could like…fill this whole place up with water so it would drown," Puck said. Rachel, however, did not answer. Instead she continued to read the page from the booklet silently.

"Berry! Berry! Rach! Listen! I think this might work!" Puck said shaking her seeing as she wasn't paying attention.

Rachel snapped an irritated growl before saying fiercely, "Noah! You know that I am practicing for a really important role in Broadway! Stop undermining my preparation training!"

"And besides, that plan is completely ludicrous! Ruining our furniture by getting it wet is not the answer!" Rachel added.

"All you have as _'furniture'_ is a fucking expensive bean bag," Puck chortled.

"Ugh. You are so insipid!" Rachel said in an annoyed tone.

"Well you're a fun sucker!" Puck shot back. Suddenly, with a mischievous look on his face, he grabbed the booklet from Rachel's hand and sped off into the corner of the room.

"Noah!" Rachel cried.

"Spring Awakening?' Puck said reading the cover as Rachel stomped her way over to him.

Puck then turned to the page where Rachel was reading and his eyes went wide.

"You have to strip down naked?" Puck said flabbergasted.

"That is no concern of yours!" Rachel said her cheeks reddening. She tried to grab the copy but Puck held it up higher.

"They soon begin to kiss. Wendla is reluctant, sensing that what they are doing is something very powerful, and very unlike anything that she has known before. They begin to have sex. Song is "I Believe"," Puck read out loud. At this Rachel's face turned cherry red and with a final leap she managed to retrieve the booklet.

"What the hell?" Puck said trailing after Rachel who was speedily walking back to the (deliriously expensive) bean bag.

"It's a play I'm auditioning for," Rachel said quietly sinking into the (extremely costly) bean bag.

"I thought you were auditioning for Le Cage," Puck said.

"I am auditioning for Le Cage but Spring Awakening is much more important and seemed to be a much bigger production," Rachel said her face still beet red.

"So you're going to roll around with some douche with hundreds of people watching you?" Puck said his face contorted into an angry look.

"Yes. I am willing to break into the business. As long as no animals will be harmed then I will be perfectly fine with this scenario," Rachel said stiffly.

"I'm not!" Puck snapped.

"Excuse me?" Rachel retorted.

"I mean….," Puck faltered for awhile. Why does he care? Rachel is just his friend. If she wants to get naked with a gay theatre douche then he's perfectly fine with it. As long as the douche isn't going to be...well….a _douche. _Puck tried to think of a good reply when the door opened and Kurt stormed in looking annoyed.

"Divalicious! I just had the worst day ever! Lousy Saks! Wouldn't know fashion if it danced naked in front of—Oh sweet Ferregamo! You're face is a very unflattering color of red," Kurt said sitting next to Rachel on their (ridiculously high-priced) bean bag.

Before Rachel could speak Kurt saw Puck and commented dryly, "Oh, it's you. I hope I am wrong in my assumption that Rachel's face is a very horrendous color of red 255 and your face's ashen color is not a result of some sort of ruckus tuckus you two had going on—''

"Kurt!" Rachel flushed.

"What? It's a very possible scenario," Kurt shrugged.

"I was just telling your friend here that it's totally whack that she's gonna get down with some gay theater pansy," Puck snarled. Then seeing Kurt's look at the word 'gay' he quickly added, "No offense."

Kurt raised an eyebrow in a brief flash of annoyance then smirked.

"This utterly delicious! You're jealous!" Kurt accused.

"I'm not!" Puck roared defensively.

"Don't be ridiculous," Rachel scoffed.

"Yes you are! Why else would you be so disturbed by the possibility of Rachel getting intimate with another man?" Kurt said his eyes shining. Rachel gave an exasperated sigh. She knew that look of Kurt all too well. It was when he was about to go to full frontal gossip mode.

"Well it's because she's going to be doing it in public!" Puck answered nervously.

"But it's all show right? Nothing is real yet you are still so bothered….."

As Kurt yammered on Rachel flashed Puck a look and nodded towards the door. Puck, taking the hint, silently stole out the door but not before flashing Rachel another uncomfortable glance.

"You obviously have….wait, where is he? Did he leave while I was speaking? How rude!" Kurt said looking around.

"You're the rude one for assuming something so despicable! Imagine me and N—Puck doing all sorts of indecent things!" Rachel shuddered although that thought wasn't _entirely_ displeasing.

"That wouldn't be too bad. You are both undeniably attractive," Kurt said twirling a lock of Rachel's hair.

'Thank you," Rachel said falling into a thoughtful silence.

"Is this the Spring Awakening thing? Oh my Dolce and Gabbana! This is long overdue. Last calls are this week. Just audition! If you want we could go there right now and we would sill have time to get a frappe and a blueberry bagel," Kurt said wiggling his eyebrows.

"It's just that…I'm really nervous….," Rachel trailed off.

"You're nervous? You're Rachel Berry. I thought you started performing since you were a fetus," Kurt said in mock gasp.

"Eight months old!" Rachel corrected.

"Whatever. Anyway none of the songs here are out of your vocal range. I bet you could rock this," Kurt said taking the booklet and flipping through the pages.

"No it's not that it's…the very last scene of Act II," Rachel sighed giving up.

Kurt flipped over to the page and sighed, "You're afraid of the getting naked part?"

Rachel threw her hands up in the air and scowled, "I thought I would be able to do it. I mean…full frontal nudity wasn't in my plan…..at least until I have won at least a Tony but the more I think about it the more I realize that this Spring Awakening thing….could be my big break!"

"Awww….come here Divalicious…..," Kurt said sympathetically hugging Rachel. Rachel took up Kurt's off of support and hugged him back. Truth to be told Rachel really did feel nervous. She didn't _feel _as if she wasn't ready. She _knew _she wasn't ready. But she also had big, big dreams. She never even considered what would happen if she could'nt break into the Broadway business. Failure was not an option. There were many Broadway shows but Spring Awakening was something the media hyped up and they repeatedly mentioned that whoever would get the lead in that musical would star in their breakout role.

Rachel was basking in the comfort in her friend when Kurt murmured, "So what was Puck doing here?"

Rachel jumped and scowled.

"Kurt! You're supposed to be comforting me!" Rachel said.

"Yes, but at the same I am awfully curious. Now are you going to tell me or what?" Kurt demanded.

"Kurt!" Rachel whined.

"Rachel!" Kurt whined back.

"Why must you be so interfering?" Rachel asked grumpily.

Kurt sighed and said, "Fine! But anyway aren't you going to comfort _me_?"

Rachel twirled a lock of her hair and drawled, "And why would I do that? After you've been so prying when it comes to matters concerning me?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, sat up straight and said, "Okay, first of all this kind of scenario doesn't cut it. Ask me how I feel and make sure you play up on the waterworks."

Rachel sighed and muttered, "You are so dramatic" before screwing her face in pout and stretching her arms out to Kurt, saying, "Aw poor baby, what's wrong?"

"It all started at Saks when no one wanted to sell my collection. I mean honestly I've gone all over New York and not even some lame broke down store I've found in some tucked away corner called Hoochy House would sell it!" Kurt said.

"Oh Kurt. I'm so sorry about that. But honestly Hoochy House?" Rachel said offering Kurt a hug.

"Okay, I exaggerated a wee little bit," Kurt said but then he fell into back into the (annoyingly priced) bean bag.

"I guess I never expected to encounter any hardships whatsoever since I am a powerhouse of talent," Rachel said matter-of-factly.

"I'm beginning to see through Santana's cynical and disturbing perspective that we've been cheated like a pair of illegal immigrants who thought that they would be spending their life cooking enchiladas when some government worker might be stalking outside their house," Kurt said in a rush, his cheeks flushing from the long rant.

"Why is it always Mexicans?" Rachel said incredulously.

"Because thinking that Mexicans are always the illegal immigrants is in now," Kurt shrugged.

"Just like hating gay people is in," Kurt added thoughtfully.

"Well, I do admit I am starting to feel as if our New York dream was just a waste of time. I mean we have a lousy apartment unit," Rachel groaned putting a hand to her forehead.

"We live in a very disturbing neighborhood," Kurt drawled.

"We've got no jobs," Rachel said and Kurt gave in an extra moan.

"And there is some sort of ugly creature running about in our house," Kurt sighed.

"Honestly, I mean why would all those stores deny _me_? Those talentless losers are discarding an opportunity to house a star," Kurt said waspishly.

"Oh…Kurt. Don't worry. One day they will regret it when they hear_ me_ a few months from now, accepting my very first Tony wearing _your _dress," Rachel said dreamily picturing herself with a Tony in hand.

"Fabulous! But sadly _you _are not even in a play and _I _got rejected by almost the entire New York fashion world," Kurt said tucking a lock of Rachel's hair which fell out of place when she launched into her dreamy rant.

"I feel horrible enough to gorge myself with some chocolate," Rachel admitted.

Kurt snapped his fingers and gave a knowing smirk.

"I know how we can make ourselves feel better!"

"How?" Rachel asked leaning closer to him.

"Chocolate," Kurt said evilly.

"Chocolate? How is making ourselves fat helping us?" Rachel demanded.

"It's just one time. Besides we're really de-stressing ourselves. Situations like these call for an eating fest. I know a delicious shop that sells the most scrumptious chocolate," Kurt said excitedly.

"Well….if you put it that way but…don't you think that we shouldn't be spending on unnecessary things. We still haven't paid the down payment you know. And this month's due date for the payment is nearing," Rachel said reluctantly.

"Stop being such a prude. Now c'mon. We've still got to walk there to save on gas," Kurt said standing up.

He held out a hand for Rachel and Rachel took it for support as she stood up.

"You know I feel as if someone up there hates us," she grumbled dusting her skirt off.

Kurt nodded but then added thoughtfully, "Or we could be punk'd."

…

Kurt and Rachel had already bought their choice of chocolates as with the other kinds. They had a fun time picking chocolates with funny names and shapes. Rachel bought a small box of dark chocolate, while Kurt preferred his semi-dark. Rachel was already on her third piece when she felt a tap on her shoulder and spun around to find a very tired-looking Santana. Her immaculate bun was loose and she was carrying her heels in her hand.

"Chocolate? Thank fuck," Santana said exhaustedly sinking into the seat next to Rachel.

"Indeed. You look terrible," Rachel said passing her platter to Santana. Santana took a piece and bit into it before proceeding to spit it back out.

"I don't want this lame- ass shit. I want milk chocolate and make sure you put an entire bowl of sugar on top of it," Santana snapped.

"Okay, okay," Rachel said before giving Santana a box of milk chocolates.

"So…how did your interview go? Will we be getting some greens, more _vert_, a little bit of _berde?"_ Kurt said leaning towards her wagging her eyebrows.

Santana avoided Kurt's gaze and began devouring her food.

"Well?" Kurt said impatiently drumming his fingers.

"You know that feeling you get when you just know that you've already been junked? Like hints the Almighty Father is dropping you—''

"Oh Good Dolce! What on earth did you say?" Kurt snapped.

"Okay so maybe I said a few things that were stupid—''

"Great! We've got no money for rent and the only money we have left has been spent on chocolates!" Kurt growled putting his hands up.

"Excuse me! You're the one who demanded to spend them against my better wishes—''

"Well, you should've tried harder to stop me," Kurt said snottily.

"Shut up Queen! I don't see you shitting your ass to get a job. And for the record I think this both of your faults," Santana barked.

"WHAT!" Kurt and Rachel yelled in unison.

"I knew going to New York was lame idea and I just had to be taken in with your…theater powers!" Santana sputtered.

"So you'd rather be stuck in Lima and Be a Lima loser?" Kurt shouted.

"It's better than being jobless in New York where it's bumper to bumper traffic everyday and where my feet have now permanent blisters!" Santana yelled.

"_ENOUGH!" _Rachel screeched. Both Kurt and Santana focused their attention on her.

Rachel sighed and said, "I know that it isn't exactly what we expected but we can't fix this if we're all arguing and yelling at each other."

"I cried after the interview," Santana suddenly said.

"No one wants my clothing line," Kurt admitted.

The two of them looked at each other and raised both their brows. Rachel gave a sigh and hugged both of them, trying to envelop them with her petite arms.

"Ohh….."

"Sorry Queen."

"You too darling."

Rachel gave a cough. Santana gave Rachel a one armed hug and said, "Sorry Ray."

"Yeah, sorry Divalicious," Kurt said squeezing her hand.

They were all silent for a while before huddling closer toe ach other. Santana popped more milk chocolates into her mouth while Kurt simply smoothed his hair.

"So you cried?' Rachel prodded.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Santana said indifferently.

"You just said it. You cried," Rachel snapped wearily.

"I didn't cry!" Santana said exasperatedly.

"You just dove into Confession 101! No backing out now sister!" Kurt said drawing closer to Santana.

"Fine! I cried! But as my friends you shouldn't let me expound more on a really, _really_ painful experience," Santana said snippily.

"It's all right to be vulnerable Santana. Its part of human nature," Rachel said emphatically patting her back.

"I cry all the time," Kurt shrugged wrapping an arm around her.

"That's because you're gay," Santana said softly.

"Why did you cry? You are a very strong person," Rachel said stroking Santana's hair.

"I don't know. I guess flopping every interview made me feel like…..like…." Santana trailed off confused at what word she should use.

"Like a loser?' Kurt offered.

"Shut up!" Santana wailed.

"Kurt…," Rachel said warningly.

"Oh, fine! Sorry!" Kurt said trying to appease Rachel who was now helping Santana shove chocolates into her mouth to prevent her from crying.

"Now that Santana has revealed her moment of lapse and weakness…it is now my turn," Kurt said dramatically. Rachel and Santana rolled their eyes at Kurt's theatricality but paid attention nonetheless.

"I was rejected by almost every fashion powerhouse in New York. With the exception of the Hoochy House," Kurt said in a seemingly sad voice. Rachel and Santana simply stared back at him.

"Well….comfort me," Kurt said impatiently. The two laughed and both said, "Just joking" before proceeding to sympathize with him. More chocolates were consumed and more, "They're so wrong" and "You're just too good for them" followed before all the chocolates were wiped out and Rachel, Kurt and Santana were lying together in Rachel's mattress staring at the ceiling. They had dragged it out to the living room where they now gorged on pizza.

"I can't believe I just made myself fat. I swear I'll work out non stop after this….," Santana sighed.

"Who needs jobs anyway? I mean who ever invented the concept of jobs? Honestly, I want to strangle that little dick," Kurt said taking a slice of pepperoni pizza.

"Santana, I think that in most cases you should just be in your own skin during the job interview. Just be fairly honest. What's the worst that could happen?" Rachel said.

"You might end up poor and will spend the rest of your life in ugly clothing foraging for food in wilderness and seeking shelter under a really creepy tree or maybe just the awning of a shopping store that has gone out of business," Kurt replied dryly.

"Or you could just end up not getting the job," Santana added mournfully.

The three continued to discuss tactics on how to spruce up Santana's job interview skills and trying to get Kurt's collection in some stores when Santana suddenly smiled and snapped her fingers.

"Oh hell to the yes! We don't need to worry about these things….for now anyway…," Santana said

"And why is that?" Kurt asked raising a brow.

"Because we're gonna get some green, more _vert_, a little bit of _berde. _We have out very own ATM in this very room," Santana said staring expectantly at Rachel.

"You're going to be like some….Broadway songstress right?" Santana said.

"So you two would just take advantage of my wealth when I become rich and famous?" Rachel said raising a brow.

"_If _you become rich and famous," Kurt interjected.

"What?" Santana said faintly.

"_If _I become rich and famous," Rachel breathed. Santana stared at her with a confused look.

"I still haven't auditioned," Rachel admitted bitterly.

Santana groaned and slapped her forehead before hissing, "What the fuck? Is it the whole sexing it up scene? 'Cause that shit is getting old."

Rachel mumbled something incomprehensible while Santana's eyes narrowed. Kurt on the other hand lights up considerably, his eyes having a look that obviously said that he was excited for a little more gossip because it was the very thing Kurt lived for.

"Your turn Divalicious," Kurt said poking Rachel's arm.

Rachel said nonchalantly, "My turn to what?"

"To share," Kurt said impatiently. Rachel shifted in he replace nervously before opening her mouth to speak. Santana however beat her to it.

"No need Queen. It's pretty clear what's happened. Rachel's scared to ride unto a man's hicky farm in front of so many people," Santana stated calmly. Kurt looked a bit disappointed to be denied a confessional from Rachel.

"That can be solved," Santana said matter-of-factly.

"How? Rachel gets all squeamish even when sees random people getting down on the street," Kurt scoffed.

"I just think that people shouldn't display sexual interactions so publicly," Rachel said defensively.

"Oh please, Ray. The reason why you're so afraid is because you rarely get some," Santana said mockingly.

"That's not true!" Rachel spat.

"Okay! Okay! Time out! The obvious solution to this is to teach Rachel how to…like…do the nasty," Santana said thoughtfully rubbing her chin.

"Because we now that Rachel would totally rock this audition but she might not get it all because she couldn't do a tiny put-out," Kurt said drolly flicking some dirt from his fingers.

"So we're going to help her so she'll get the part and we'll get some green, more _vert_, a little bit of _berde_," Santana said her eyes glinting wickedly.

"And how do you propose to do that?" Rachel asked nervously.

"One of us will make out with you," Santana said in a tone that implied that it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Excuse me? That is quite impossible because you're a girl…," Rachel said turning to Santana.

"And you're gay," Rachel said pointing at Kurt.

"Well Divalicious is right. _Don't _look at me to do the deed. No offense Divalicious, you're hot but I've already made out with a girl and I would never live it down no matter how hot she was," Kurt said smiling a bit.

"No worries. You've still got me," Santana said impishly.

"I don't mean to insult you Santana but I don't think it would be appropriate for a girl to show sexually inclined feelings unto _another girl_," Rachel said edgily backing away from Santana.

"You are such a hypocrite Ray!" Santana accused.

"What?" Rachel snapped.

"Always flashing to other people how you were born from two gay dads…'My dads are gay!', 'I'll put you to jail because you've insulted my two gay dads'—''

"Okay, fine!" Rachel said in a defeated tone.

Santana smiled triumphantly before scooting over to Rachel who rigidly sat in place. Santana then slowly raised her hand to Rachel's face, leaned over and whispered, "So will we be doing the really slutty type of kissing or the real passionate one?"

"The second one, thank you very much," Rachel said timidly.

Kurt sat in his place excitedly and watch as both Santana and Rachel leaned forwards…

…

Puck was extremely excited to go to Rachel's apartment unit even when Santana and Kurt were there. He had spent the whole afternoon escaping Kurt's gossip feeding frezy by searching for _it _through almost all of New York. Smiling to himself, he hid the fold of paper under his shirt and with his usual annoying habit, he walked into their apartment unit without knocking. When he realized that they still haven't bought a proper lock he was about to playfully scold them when he saw Rachel and Santana making out on top of a mattress with a pizza box at the side.

Puck felt three things all at the same time.

The first was hunger. He hadn't eaten much since he was scrimping to pay the rent so he was stuck with cans of smelly sardines. When he saw the pizza box he felt his stomach grumble.

The second was the feeling of being turned on. Because seeing Santana run her hands through Rachel's hair and seeing two really hot girls make out was more than he could handle.

The third was—and he was a bit surprised—_jealousy._ Yup, he was jealous and he was a bit annoyed that the feeling even came out. Because that shit playing in front of him was _hot_ but it was a bad kind of hot because he wasn't in it and somehow he wanted to be in Santana's place. Also he was a bit annoyed that Santana got to make out with Rachel. That was supposed to be him out there.

Puck coughed so the three divas—sorry two divas and one bitch—would see him. Kurt saw him and jumped while Santana and Rachel broke apart. Rachel looked at him sheepishly while Santana just looked satisfied.

"Whoa. You kiss awesome, Ray. Especially that thing—''

"She does with the tongue?' Puck finished for Santana.

Santana looked at him with one eyebrow while Rachel just bit her lip. Kurt looked amused.

"Here," Puck said awkwardly shoving the paper to Rachel's face. He didn't really expect to hand it to Rachel in this manner.

Rachel read the page out loud, "Auditions for the play Phantom of the Opera. Singers will be expected to perform a dance routine and two songs from the play before callbacks….."

Rachel's voice trailed off and she looked at Puck meaningfully. Puck just shrugged.

"I knew you weren't comfortable with the whole scene so I found this," he said uncomfortably.

Rachel smiled at him brightly and began a long rant of thank yous while Santana offered him a slight smile. Kurt gave a clap and they all offered him some pizza.

"So what's with the girl-on-girl action?" Puck asked as he took a bite of a slice of pizza.

"We were trying to prepare Ray for the Spring Awakening but now that you've found her a play then….I guess that shit's down the drain," Santana shrugged.

"At least I got to make out with Rachel. Always wondered what she'd be like. Though nothing was-''

"It was entirely professional," Rachel interrupted understandably.

Kurt looked at Rachel and said, "Soo….what did the kiss tell you?"

Rachel looked at Kurt thoughtfully before catching the funny look in Puck's eye.

"That I am most definitely straight."

Kurt pretended to ignore the relieved look on Puck's face.

…

_Thanks for the reviews! Sorry it takes me forever to update every chapter but this one was a bit longer than I intended it to be. Keep reviewing!_


	5. No Name' First Petite Top Model

**No Name (Yet) Designs' First Petite Top Model**

The last few weeks of their life in New York had been mostly uneventful. Santana had decided to entail herself in a self-imposed "sabbatical leave" and no matter how many times Rachel explained that a Sabbatical Leave would not be a Sabbatical Leave unless she actually had a job, Santana still refused to attend the last three interviews she had lined up. Rachel prattled and nagged her to no end about confidence and self-esteem and money but Santana simply replied that she's banking on Rachel's future success to pay all the bills.

"But what about your career!" Rachel persisted.

"That's why you've got to practice for your audition so that when you get the part and rock the play thereby gaining a whole shit load of cash, we can have enough something-somethings to bribe my interviewers to give me a job," Santana said matter-of-factly. Rachel sighed exasperated before throwing a diva fit and storming away from the house.

Kurt had gone all around New York's upscale shops to present his designs but after a week of fruitless wandering he had taken to locking himself in the room demanding not to be disturbed until dinnertime. Rachel, finding that Santana was not responding to her nagging as well as she hoped, focused her energy on prattling and nagging Kurt about confidence and self-esteem and money, but like Santana Kurt had given her an equally annoying and negative response.

"Kurt! You mustn't let those snotty high fashion posers get the best of you! Your designs are fabulous and flawless and you must go back out there and shove those designs on their faces! If Ugly Betty could do this than I am sure you are more than capable of trumping her!" Rachel said knocking on Kurt's door and yelling.

All she got was, "Don't bother me until dinnertime! I swear this is _big!_"

Even Noah was spoiling her days. He had become a permanent fixture in their apartment. He jogged with Rachel every morning, ate dinner with them, drank coffee with Rachel, discussed plans to kill the Thing with Rachel and he watched Freaky Fridays with them which is a tradition Kurt, Rachel and Santana had started where they watch horror movies every Friday. Lately though, he had become frequently absent. He was always missing from his apartment, he never came anymore and he missed so many of their jogging sessions.

Rachel was getting more and more frustrated as the weeks went by especially with the bills pouring in and Noah being missing—not that she cared or anything. She was just mad that her one grip of sanity (okay, did she just call Noah as her one grip of sanity?) was slowly slipping away for some unknown reason.

"What's wrong with you?" Santana said as she poured the freshly popped popcorn unto a big bowl. Rachel had been muttering and grumbling under her breath for the last twenty minutes as she neatly arranged the salt-free pretzels on a tray.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with _me?_" Rachel said dramatically putting hand to her chest.

"Ugh. Yes, Ray what's wrong with you?" Santana said rolling her eyes. Rachel didn't answer but continued to mutter unintelligibly.

"Fine! If you don't want to tell me….," Santa trailed off knowing full well that Rachel could not resist telling her.

"My dignity has just been diminished!" Rachel cried violently crushing a pretzel.

"Fuck! Don't crush the pretzels!" Santana said slapping Rachel's hand away. "They're fifty cents a piece," she added as she began to salvage the crushed pretzel.

"You know what I had to do today? I had to do the most painful and most undignified act in the world!" Rachel ranted as she began to pace back and forth in their kitchen.

"Oh no. You started dressing like some sort anime character whose clothes are designed for an Asian's specific fetish again, right?" Santana sighed.

"No! I had to call my dads!" Rachel wailed putting emphasis on each word.

"But I thought you weren't homophobic?" Santana said a little confused.

"I'm not homophobic, obviously. I've been living with them for the past twenty-three years!" Rachel explained tiredly.

"Then I don't get why you've been stripped of your dignity by calling your dads," Santana shrugged. Rachel's nostrils flared before stepping towards Santana with a pretzel swinging in her hand.

"I am a grown woman who by the way has above average mental capacity, astonishing beauty, a darling personality—''

Santana chuckled and coughed lightly at the words "darling personality".

"A spectacular body and out of this world talent so it is expected that I will become successful and bask in the glory of laughing at little, insignificant people over a short span of time without having to resort _to asking my fathers for money_," Rachel yelled swinging the pretzel around.

"Whose cat is dying?" Kurt asked grumpily as he entered the kitchen.

"More like a twenty-three year old trapped in a screaming, PMSing grandma's body," Santana said sarcastically prying the pretzel loose from Rachel's fingers.

Kurt looked took in Rachel's flushed face and cranky exterior before promptly ignoring her and grabbing the pretzel from Santana's hand.

"I don't get," Kurt said leaning against the counter.

"Rachel's dignity is demolished because she called dad and daddy up," Santana said grabbing the tray of pretzels and heading out to the living room. Rachel grumpily followed with bowl of popcorn with Kurt in two.

"She lived with two gay dads her whole life. How could she be homophobic?" Kurt asked.

"Well whatever Rachel's problem is…..we have money!" Santana said excitedly.

Kurt's eyes flashed opened and Rachel snorted in an irritated fashion as they all gathered around their plasma screen TV. Kurt looked groggy and tired but he perked up considerably at the word "money".

"How did we get the money? Did someone hijack someone or oh…wait….someone got assassinated right? Oh no…wait! One of you two played Hello Titty in exchange for some ka-chings!" Kurt ranted his fatigue look slowly wearing away.

"Don't talk ridiculous bullshit. We didn't hijack or kill anyone and the only people who we played Hello Titty is, is with each other—just kidding Queen. Rachel's gay dads gave her some dough," Santana said rolling her eyes.

"Gay people are reverently known for their generosity," Kurt said nodding proudly.

"So what's that news about two drag queens stabbing each other with their heels all because the other drag wouldn't share his weave?" Santana said smiling a self-satisfied smirk.

"The point is it's really shameful that after all these years I still couldn't do it on my own. I'm twenty-five and I still need to ask money from my dads!" Rachel spat.

"I don't get what you're bitching about. _I'm _twenty-five and my parents still give me the really lame-ass sex talk. Do you know that they called me up in the middle of the night to remind me how a condom works? Like, hello I've been humping people since forever and I know how to put a condom on my lady part using just my tongue," Santana bragged shamelessly.

"That was extremely disturbing," Kurt said quietly.

"Well, I don't care. It's still weird to ask money from them when I'm supposed to be independent," Rachel said taking a bite off her pretzel.

"It's money. Who cares if it's from two gays? Gays are awesome," Santana said matter-of-factly.

"Hear, hear!" Kurt and Rachel said promptly. After that Rachel let the whole money thing go and they focused on choosing the movie they will watch. Santana had bought three DVDs. Rachel used to be the one to pick out the movies but Santana and Kurt had learned their lesson after she continuously picked out movies that were too….scary.

Surprisingly Rachel was not the kind of person who got scared easily. She believed that horror movies were stupid and ridiculous and they rely too much on special effects rather than a substantial plot line so to prevent herself from getting bored she usually picks out movies that are extremely scary. Santana and Kurt however, did not share her sentiments.

They were halfway in watching a movie about someone who lives in a haunted house (which in Rachel's opinion, was incredibly lame and cheesy; she honestly had no idea what Kurt and Santana gets worked up about) when Rachel noticed that something was off. They were able to fit into their miniscule couch (courtesy of Burt Hummel) comfortably, she could not feel a protective arm around her and no one was constantly shaking her in an attempt to scare her.

"Where's Noah?"

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH__!" _

"Mother-F!" Rachel said jumping in her seat as Santana and Kurt yelled.

"Shit, Ray! You scared the living shit out me!" Santana muttered.

"I just asked a question—''

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH__!"_

"You two are getting ridiculous! Nothing scary is even on the screen!" Rachel spat.

"Well you don't have to talk in such a scary way," Kurt whispered fearfully.

"You two are impossible," Rachel snapped before returning her attention on screen. She momentarily forgot about her noticing Puck's absence as she watched the main character slowly die of some unknown sickness when Santana suddenly spoke up, "Why do you care if Puck's not here?"

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"_

"What?"

"The movie is so rated R.," Kurt whispered frantically.

"Why would you say that?" Rachel frowned finding nothing to be scary at all and wanting to avoid Santana's question.

"The ghost just peed in her room. Now if that doesn't get your panties in a twist then I don't know what will," Kurt said.

"Now that shit is scary," Santana said digging his nails unto Kurt's arm. However after a few more minutes of unnecessary screaming (according to Rachel) Santana and Kurt's attention snapped back at Rachel.

"So what's this about you noticing that our delicious bonbon is missing?" Kurt asked with a glint in his eye.

"It's nothing….it's just that…..did you just call Noah _our _delicious bonbon?" Rachel said giving Kurt a critical eye.

"Omigawd! You said it! You said Noah not Puck!" Kurt squealed.

"Well….that's because…..because….I think Puck is a stupid name!" Rachel answered feebly as she edged away from Kurt only to slam into Santana who promptly questioned her, "So do I detect a hint of jealousy when Kurt said that Puck was_ our_ delicious bonbon—whatever that is?"

"A bonbon is an expensive term for a guy who has a nice ass," Kurt chirped before adding a wink.

"It's just that…well…..," Rachel said losing a cohesive train of thought.

"Don't want to share Ray?" Santana mewed dangerously crawling towards Rachel.

"Upset that Puck is a no-show?" Kurt purred taking cue from Santana who was slowly creeping up to Rachel. He skirted towards her as Santana drew nearer at the opposite side caging Rachel in. Rachel's face was turning into a violent shade of purple as Santana and Kurt sidled towards her at opposite ends. Just as Rachel was sure that she would die of suffocation from the intense bubble of gossip and intrigue Kurt and Santana had her wrapped in the door gave a rattle and the characters on the TV gave bloodcurdling scream prompting Santana and Kurt to give off another one of their (in Rachel's opinion) absolutely unnecessary screams.

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"_

"Um…..hi?"

The three of them turned to find a teenage boy with an oily face in a uniform with a giant plastic pail in his hand.

"Who's that?" Rachel asked glaring at the boy.

"No one," Kurt said edgily.

"Fuck that noise," Santana spat before twisting her whole body and saying, "Who are you and what's with the bucket?"

"I'm from 'Crabby's Underwater Diet Chow and—''

Suddenly Kurt, to the shock of Santana and Rachel, he pounced on him, tackling him and pinning him on the ground while muffling his mouth. Santana tried to hide her laughter while Rachel looked absolutely flabbergasted.

"Crabby…what?" Santana said trying to choke down the laughter that was building inside of her.

"What on earth is going on? I have had enough of this cockamamie nonsense! ," Rachel said snippily.

"Ow!" Kurt squealed pulling his hand back.

"He bit me!" Kurt accused.

"You owe me fifteen dollars!" the boy cried struggling against Kurt's grasp.

"Fifteen….fifteen…._fifteen!_ Dollars! Whatever for?" Rachel screeched.

"Please tell me you're not talking about this kooky stuff?" Santana said suspiciously sniffing the bucket the boy previously brought in.

"That's shrimp paste!" the boy gasped.

"Ew!" Santana and Rachel said unison.

"I would never order shit like this! It's just plain nasty!" Santana said shoving the bucket to Rachel who promptly set in on the ground and kicked it to where Kurt was pinning the boy.

"Well someone ordered it and I am staying here until I get paid my fifteen dollars!" Crabby's Underwater Diet Chow's shrimp past delivery boy declared freeing himself from Kurt's straddling.

"None of us ordered such a disgusting excuse for something edible!" Rachel said as she tried to ease Kurt out of the boy's way.

"Yeah who would order such a piece of shit! And what's with you Queen! I knew you were into a skinnies but damn!" Santana said helping Rachel pull Kurt away from the boy.

"Yes, Kurt! What ever possessed you to behave so irrationally that you tackled this perfectly innocent but undeniably rude boy to the ground in such an awkward and….and….," Rachel stuttered as she probed for an appropriate description.

"…Sexual?..."

Rachel looked uncomfortable for a moment before finally saying, "Sexual. In such an awkward and sexual manner! I am ashamed of you! A man your age should already be able to calm your hormones down!"

"Yeah, Queen, calm your hormones down," Santana echoed with a disapproving tone.

"So could someone just …you…know….pay me the fifteen dollars and I'll be on my way…," the boy said with a nervous edge as he realized that the guy that just previously straddled him was gay.

"_We are not paying fifteen dollars for something we did not order!"_ Rachel yelled.

"Damn straight!" Santana added. Both of them looked at Kurt for another shout of approval but Kurt only slunk away looking scared before saying a faint, "Yeah!"

"Hey listen, lady! Someone did order the shrimp paste and if no one's forking over the fifteen dollars I'm calling the cops!" the boy threatened. Santana stepped forward in a threatening manner before saying in a harsh whisper, "Want to bet junior?"

"Okay! Okay! Time out!" Rachl called and everybody froze.

"This matter should not be implicated any further," Rachel said elbowing Santana out of the way.

"What she said," the boy said edgily as Santana stalked away.

"Delivery boys always carry a slip that states the list of orders. Just say the name of the person who ordered from this building and if it doesn't match any of our names then you've obviously been mistaken," Rachel said calmly. Santana looked disappointed that she would not be able to dick him but the boy nodded quickly before turning his pockets for the slip.

"Well….the dude who ordered from this building is called…a Mr. Kurt Hummel?" the boy said before looking up.

Santana and Rachel had already diverted their attention from the boy to Kurt who was guiltily examining his nails.

"What the fuck Queen?" Santana snapped.

Kurt grunted before admitting, "It's my time of the month."

"Your time of the…what?" Rachel said sounding confused.

"You know…._that time_. You guys have it to. You get cranky and eat all sorts of nasty stuff like ketchup and chocolate for Rachel and boogers for Santana," Kurt said looking at both of them meaningfully.

Santana said scratching her head, "I don't get it….I only eat my boogers when I have my—''

"It's my friggin period, okay!" Kurt yelled.

The delivery boy simply shifted awkwardly.

"Period? You have a period?" Rachel said flabbergasted.

"So Queen….you had your orgasms—''

"Organs," Rachel corrected.

"Organs changed. You got your boy-howdy changed to a flower?"

"No," Kurt said looking down. Rachel started to open her mouth when Kurt interrupted, "But gays have this thing called the gay menstruation period."

"The gay menstruation period," Rachel repeated slowly.

"Okay, this is really uncomfortable," the boy said.

"It's like when a girl menstruates except we don't secrete blood. We experience a period of emotional turmoil which includes crankiness and a love for weird food like chocolate and ketchup and boogers. Mine just happens to be shrimp paste," Kurt explained calmly and a little annoyed.

Rachel gave an annoyed snort before fishing a twenty from her pocket and shoving it to the delivery boy. He took it before giving a bow. As he frantically made his way out, he stopped for a moment before turning to Santana and saying, "You eat boogers during your menstruation?"

"Out!" Rachel screeched before pushing the boy outside and storming into her bedroom.

…

As Kurt spooned the shrimp paste unto his mouth Rachel silently cleaned the bowls and trays although she occasionally banged the trays and silverware against the sink, making a loud noise. Santana simply sat on the counter flicking dirt from her nails while Kurt continued to guiltily eat the shrimp paste. Finally after a long period of silence Kurt blurted out, shrimp paste flying everywhere, "I'm sorry, okay!"

Santana sighed and rolled her eyes before saying snippily, "I was wondering when there would be noise. Being with Rachel in a room without any noise whatsoever is like the Apocalypse."

Rachel finished cleaning their silverware with one loud bang, before sweeping the trays and bowls to one side and turning to glare at Kurt and Santana.

"Why would you do that! You know how tight we are in money!" Rachel snapped.

"I'm sorry but while I was working on _it _in my extremely miniscule bedroom I had the craving for shrimp paste and you know that if I crave something I would stop at nothing to get it!" Kurt said defensively.

"Then what's with the whole gay-menstruation thing?" Santana asked confused.

"I just made that up," Kurt admitted before adding quickly, "You two are like…psycho when you get mad."

"The point is, you know that we don't have enough money to purchase absolutely unnecessary things!" Rachel yelled.

"Santana brought some earring that costs twenty dollars!" Kurt accused suddenly.

"What?" Rachel said looking at Santana.

"Backstabber!" Santana yelled.

"And come on Ray, the earrings were butterflies! _Butterflies!_" Santana said pleadingly shaking her.

"We could've used that money to pay part of the bills!" Rachel sputtered.

"See? My shrimp paste is a mere dust particle compared to her huge-assed spend!" Kurt said.

"Shut up Queen!" Santana barked before turning at Rachel, "And don't go being all righteous yourself Ray! I happen to know that you bought a nice anklet yourself!" Santana snapped accusingly.

"They were at a very reasonable price!" Rachel argued weakly.

"Well, I love shrimp paste!" Kurt yelled drowning out the arguments issuing forth from Santana and Rachel's mouth.

Santana and Rachel looked at Kurt curiously wondering what led to his absolutely random outburst. Kurt shrank away sheepishly saying, "I just felt the need to say that."

"The point is we really should stop spending on such unnecessary things," Rachel sighed breathlessly.

"Well I'll let go of the fact that you two spent most of our money on shrimp paste and ankle bracelets—''

"Darling, you spent twice as much as that on a _pair of earrings!_" Kurt screeched.

"They were a worthy investment!" Santana shot back.

"And so was the shrimp paste!" Kurt yelled back.

"Everybody shut the fuck up!" Rachel snapped peevishly. Santana and Kurt stared at Rachel, taken aback by her use of profanity since Rachel never resorts to using it. Rachel glared at both of them, lingering on each one before proceeding to perform her famous diva storm-out to the living room. Kurt and Santana trailed after her with Santana dipping her pointer finger into the shrimp paste and licking it.

"We need to think of a practical solution to this abhorring situation and the only elucidation I ruminate upon on is if the two of you would get your _asses—''_

"Oh, sweet lord Jesus!" Kurt said slapping a hand over his forehead as Santana stood in shock as Rachel used another bad word.

"That's right! I'll use as many profane and illicit language as _I want _because I am very disgusted by both of you and the decisions you've both made to just give up!" Rachel ranted.

"Actually Ray, this shrimp paste is really good. Definitely worth the fifteen dollars. I think my booger fetish has just been replaced," Santana said thoughtfully breaking the long lapse of silence that followed after Rachel's rant.

Rachel let out a frustrated growl before falling back on the couch, a frustrated look etched on her face. Santana sighed apathetically before spooning some shrimp paste while Kurt hurriedly went towards Rachel and plopped down beside her. Kurt looked at Rachel looking extremely nervous and another pause of silence ensued.

"Divalicious….."

"What?" Rachel exhaled loudly.

"You know that you're the most beautiful, the most talented, absolutely the most gorgeous—''

"Oh hell no! The totally baseless compliments are rolling. Something big is so about to happen," Santana said excitedly plopping down on the couch next to Rachel.

"Go on," Rachel said ignoring Santana's comments.

"And you are such a smart lady who makes great, sensible decisions—''

"Cut to the chase Queen! My hoo-ha is wilting," Santana said sarcastically.

"Santana! Let him continue! If he's going to give me bad news I might as well feel good about it," Rachel said slapping Santana's arm.

"About how much money your fathers are sending are we talking about here?" Kurt asked looking Rachel evenly at they eye.

"About three thousand. Why?" Rachel asked suspiciously.

"Look, the whole money problem thing is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about," Kurt breathed nervously.

"I don't quite follow you," Rachel said raising a brow.

"Rachel…Divalicious, honey….the reason why I've been so cooped up in my room is because….I've been thinking of putting up my own design emporium," Kurt finaly said.

Santana looked confused while Rachel had a look of knowing about her.

"I don't get it," Santana admitted.

"It means that I won't go around door to door selling my designs any longer because….because I'm going to set up a place of my own," Kurt explained with a nervous edge.

"Oh…oh…_OH!_" Santana exclaimed.

"Yeah. And to do that…..I need a capital amount. I have virtually nothing in the bank so…"

Kurt turned to look at Rachel was sitting rigidly at the couch averting her gaze from Kurt's.

"As a friend….Divalicious….I really….really…._ need_ this. I cannot stress enough how much I _want _this. So if you could lend me the money your fathers are about to give you….then I swear I'll be your personal slave FOREVER! And when I get my first award as a designer the first person I'll mention is you," Kurt said progressing from a slow stutter to a jumbled rush.

"Kurt…you know how I fully support you in _all _your dreams—''

"Oh come on Ray! Give Queen a chance! If it were me I would like give him everything…..after I spent some on a Channel bag!" Santana quipped.

"But we are tight in our budgets with all these bills we need to pay—''

"Rachel as a friend, please…" Kurt pleaded shaking her.

"And what you are proposing is such a big risk—''

"Ray!" Santana broached.

"Divalicious! Come on! Just take a leap of faith!" Kurt roared with prevalent anger.

"But I trust you fully," Rachel finished silencing Kurt and Santana's frantic screams.

There was silence before Santana let out a low whistle and said, "Wow. I feel like such a risk taker."

"Me too," Kurt said starting to feel the pressure.

"I fully trust in your designing capabilities," Rachel said sounding tense.

"Me too. You're the shit Hummel," Santana said giving Kurt a pat on the back.

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief before saying, "I won't let you guys down."

…

Rachel went to bed that evening with a weight on her shoulder. She felt very annoyed that her friends thrust her into this situation but at the same time she could not help but feel a twinge of guilt for even thinking about denying Kurt money for his designs. It was absolute hypocrisy on her part if she did. She had campaigned fiercely regarding following one's dreams no matter what. She toyed with the frayed ends of her pillow case.

She felt as if she was the mother of Santana and Kurt, working furiously to keep all of them together and alive with a roof above their heads and food in their mouth. Kurt and Santana seemed to not have a concept of how money works and they didn't seem to have a concern over the bills pouring in either.

She was tired and worn out from all that needless stressing over money. She contemplated on whether she should have made the decision of withholding the money from Kurt but then guilt overrode this thought again. She thought back on what happened after she had agreed. Kurt immediately jumped off to his room. He came back with a pile of papers.

"My inspiration for this design is….wait for it….you guys," he had said. He immediately drew out a few designs that Rachel saw was something she liked and would wear.

"I call this the 'Rachel' collection. Not a single thing in here is lower than the knee or an incarnation of any sort of pants," Kurt said proudly. Santana laughed before high-fiving Kurt. Rachel took the paper she held out and went through them. There was one piece with a short dreamy skirt that fell off mid-thigh and bare-shoulder blouse with intricate lace designs at the edges.

"The 'Rachel' collection. An embodiment of subtle sexy, a reminisce of innocence but with a rough edge and of course…it is what I like to call expensive sex in clothes form," Kurt explained as Rachel and Santana leafed through the designs.

"Expensive sex?" Rachel said pensively.

"Well you do have that look where you look as if you would not have sex with anyone for less than six million dollars," Santana snickered.

"Well said," Kurt nodded.

"Well I must say I really would wear these," Rachel said impressed.

"I know. What I had just basically done was review your whole previous wardrobe back in high school and upgrading it so it would actually look wearable," Kurt said while Rachel scrunched her nose.

"Ooohhh. What about me Queen? What about the 'Santana' collection?" Santana asked excitedly.

"Hmm…..Santana…" Kurt said taking out a few designs. He took a wad of papers out, held by a paper clip. Rachel and Santana examined them and saw that the pieces were mostly very bare-all and there was lots of lace involved.

"The 'Santana' collection is a full of statement pieces that just scream aggressive sexy," Kurt said as Santana nodded approvingly.

"I must say you got Santana's sense of style right on," Rachel said taking a look at some of the designs.

"I know. I just modified Santana's clothes so it wouldn't look too hoochy," Kurt said proudly.

"Watch it Queen!" Santana said in a warning tone.

"Then….of course….who can forget about Rachel's delicious little bonbon, Noah Puckerman—''

"He is in no way my delicious 'little bonbon'!" Rachel cried before adding, "And please stop calling him that! It's creepy."

"I'll ignore you totally jealous-motivated comment," Kurt said snippily before continuing, "The 'Puck' collection is a collection of pieces that embody 'badassness' and 'studliness' and the like but without looking too lumber jack or nineteen eighties."

"N—Puck does not dress like a lumberjack!" Rachel said defensively. Kurt and Santana looked at each other wickedly before proceeding to do another series of unabashedly grilling and questioning Rachel about her relationship with Puck.

Rachel wrinkled her nose as she thought about these. She was just friends with Noah and that was all. It was nothing more than good friendship. Santana and Kurt were completely being ridiculous. As Rachel continued to play with edges of her pillow case her thoughts turned back on Kurt's fashion emporium. Even if it managed to be successful it could take months, maybe even years. They would need marketing, a proper place to set up the clothes and most importantly the clothes themselves had to be materialized.

Rachel laid back on her bed and drew a long breath. Kurt had already told them that he planned on asking a neighborhood seamstress to make only one piece for each collection while the rest of the money will be used for advertising and getting the place. Santana and Kurt planned on scouting the upperside of New York for the right place while Rachel declined saying that she must practice her lines and songs for the upcoming play she was about to audition. Well, at least Kurt and Santana now have something to occupy their time with.

Thinking about it, she realized that she had to get this part. Otherwise if she doesn't find a way to generate incoming quick then their dreams of New York might crash and burn.

…

"_No more talk of darkness….Forget these wide-eyed fears….."_

Rachel was interrupted by the sound of the door knocking. Kurt and Santana had gone scouting for the right place and she was alone in their apartment practicing her lines. She was singing "All I Ask of You" when someone knocked on the door. She reverently prayed that it wasn't Mr. Scherbatsky as he had taken to stalking her after their encounter. She had just put her Jacob Ben-Israel days behind her and she did want them to be re-ignited. She opened the door to find a cranky-looking Puck with a pizza box in one hand.

"Mind if I crash here for awhile. Just until my douchebag of a landlord lets off my case," he asked sheepishly.

"Of course," Rachel said. She let him enter and Puck flopped down on the couch.

"You missed Freaky Friday," Rachel noted.

"I know," Puck said.

"What have you been up to?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing," he murmured averting is gaze.

Seeing that Puck obviously did not wan to delve deeper into this matter she changed the subject by pointing at the box and asking, "What's that?"

"Oh yeah. I got you these," Puck said handing the box over to Rachel who opened it and said sarcastically, "Wow. Half-eaten moldy pizza. What an effort!"

"I know right?" Puck smiled. Rachel laughed before putting the box aside and continuing to practice her lines. Puck practice with her although he only insisted on reading the Phantom's line as he was bad-ass.

"Hey, where's Kurt and Satantana?" Puck asked looking around the apartment.

Rachel sighed before confessing to Puck about Kurt's plans and her worries that it might not push through and the result they will all get is one hot mess.

"….I absolutely believe in his capabilities but—are you listening to me?" Rachel demanded as she saw that Puck was instead fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"Yeah I was. That was pretty ballsy of you," Puck shrugged.

"Do you think I made the right decision?" Rachel asked.

"No."

"What?"

"You should've given the money _to me_," Puck laughed. Rachel playfully slapped him when the door burst open and in came Kurt and Santana looking excited.

"I take it that your search went well?" Rachel asked.

"Fabulous, divalicious! It went _fabulously_ well! The place we found is perfect!" Kurt said squealing up and down.

"But what about the—''

"It was a little expensive but don't worry. I took care of that," Santana said with a mischievous smile.

"I had done a little computing—''

"He can count!" Santana announced mockingly.

"_And _I realized that we have a little extra from the clothes and the rent for the first month. And the little extra is just enough to get a really small billboard add!" Kurt squealed.

Rachel stood up and hugged him while Puck continued to fiddle with his shirt.

"And that's not the only awesome news I bring! I decided that you guys will be my models!" Kurt said. The room fell silent for a second before the voice of Rachel said, "Don't you think me and Santana are a little too short to be models?"

"Yes, you guys are but I can't afford to hire models and you guys are hot so…."

"Well, I'm all for it," Santana shrugged.

"You too Puck," Kurt said.

"What?"

"Yes, you'll join them. You've certainly got the build and you're attractive enough," Kurt said.

"I don't know….I'm kind of tied up…."

"Come on dickhead. It's really as easy as posing in front of a camera. A scatterbrain like you should be able to at least handle it," Santana goaded.

"Yeah, I can handle it," Puck scoffed.

"It's settled then," Kurt said with some finality before adding, "I fee like Tyra! Imagine! No Name designs first petite top model!"

"You haven't come up with a name?" Rachel cried surprised.

"Yet."

…

_Thanks for all the reviews! Keep on clicking that review button:) __ So any way, I'm sorry that it took me forever to update but I am really busy._

_I just saw "Special Education" and I was a bit dismayed to see Santana so mean which probably made me not want to write about her for awhile._

_I need you guys to help me find a great name for Kurt's designs since I'm stuck. Any suggestions? You guys decide:)_

_Not much Puckleberry in these chapters but the next are definitely Puckleberry centered._

_Merry Christmas to All!:)))_


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